so.... i have recently been strongly advised to start a journal...and where as all other networking sites i'm on, people who know me in real life have easy access.... i think, perhaps, i will start one here. with you. though my aim here is not to have acknowledgment for the things that i write, any input/feedback to the things i write will of course be taken with an open heart. so...hear is the start....and of course, it begins with a girl. a fantastic girl. who i was(and still am) crazy about. though our influence on each others lives was short lived, it was none the less impactful(at least on my part). but i have this tendency....to desire constant affection.constant closeness.constant contact... though i am fully aware of the lack of health in the desire... sometimes this desire is hard for me to fight off, and i become selfish in my ways. it was for this reason and because of a strong stir of jealousy which i did not feel the right to have, that i cut things to a rewinded possible friendship(which i very strongly desire). but here i am. refusing to succumb to the negativity that so often surrounds my head, persevering to be the bright, loving person i know that i am. so now i contemplate... i contemplate the odds of overcoming that which has plagued me in "relationships"(if you can call them that) for SO long. and i search for an out. something to fill my time and my stream consciousness so that i do not dwell...but as i say...i persevere..for i know...as big as they seem in my heart and in my head.. my troubles mean nothing compared to the troubles of those in the world that i have a chance to influence positively. ohhhhh but what to do....where to start. where is that fellowship i long for so much... passion return to me for i miss you dearly.