love_suicide

so, yeah...i'm still pretty fucking stressed out. we still haven't found a babysitter for the first week & 1/2 of school because Michael won't be back yet. plus he's bringing a gf back with him from AK & i don't know how she'll feel about him babysitting so much for me, but i NEED him to do it. i hope everything works out. i'm on academic probation for dropping too many classes through the years, so i can't miss any classes & i have to finish them with at least a B average. the first week of school is the most important to be there for financial aid purposes. i am worried right now that i will have to try to take both my kids to class with me! mega-stressed!

i went to indian rivers for my appointment yesterday. it wasn't really a counseling session, just an evaluation. i can't get in to see the psychiatrist until oct. 1st, which blows donkey balls. i go back for a counseling session a little sooner, though. however, i am bummed that both the shrink & my therapist are both women & i much prefer to talk to guys. what a cockwrinkle. more stress.

today is my brother's birthday. i wish i could afford to give him a present or at least some money, but i can't right now. we are still way behind on bills. i was in WM today getting some things for mom & got Kagome a small inexpensive toy for her birthday (15th). her party is this sunday (12th) & i felt depressed because i wasn't able to buy her more than one little crummy present. luckily trey showed up just at the moment i was about to burst into tears & cheered me up a little. but nevertheless, i am totally stressed.

hubby shall hereafter be refferred to as "B". B is just easier to say & type. B has a job now, hanging gutters. it pays $8 an hour & for the first few weeks he'll get cash. it's a paycheck every friday, so finally we will be able to pay bills hopefully. that is, of course, if we can manage to stop arguing & live together peacefully. he's staying at his grandfather's right now & supposed to be getting his truck fixed tomorrow. my fingers are crossed on all that. this adds to my stress.

i need to go back to dr. richardson monday, but it costs $60 & i just don't have it. i'm out of heart pills & no more refills. besides that, i need him to either change my klonopin dosage or swap me to something else. it's not keeping me calm anymore. also, i can not take elavil or seroquel to sleep once school starts because they make me sleep too long & feel drugged the next day. so i have to get back on ambien or maybe that new one they came out with not too long ago. but like i said, no money for the appointment or meds. uber-stressed.