i don't want to lose any friends. my friends mean the world to me. this is no overstatement. i know Alex does not read my blogs, but i wanted to say here & now how important his friendship is to me. whether he knows it or not, he has really been there for me over the past month & longer, helping me through the troubles i have had with myself & with gabriel. Alex, no girl is worth ditching our friendship. i would say bros before hoes, but it doesn't exactly apply. just know that i love you & i don't want to lose you.
and dearest skye, if you are reading this, i want you to know that i love you so much. i want to wrap my arms around you & shelter you from everything that would try to harm you or your precious heart. you are the most beautiful, creative, intelligent, loving........................................and so many more wonderful adjetives...person i have ever known. i want you to come & live with me. let me love you & make you smile. i know you will do the same for me, for i could not help but smile at your heavenly countenance. be with me?
as long as i am writing notes, dear armin...you have really been there for me in more ways than almost anyone. you have helped me out so many times in so many ways. if it wasn't for you i would be living at my parents house right now, miserable & alone. just knowing i have love that even the oceans cannot separate gives me such joy. thank you so much for everything.
dear michael, one of the best months of my entire life was the month that you lived with me. i loved having you around. not much tops the feeling of whipping your ass at 20 questions over & over & over again.
just curling up & watching movies was great, too, & it was so nice to have help with things like diapers & dishes & babysitting. you are the best.
dear nikki, you've been there since i was born. we've had some great times & some shitty ones, but the great times outweigh the bad ones. i'll never forget pushing each other in the lake, playing PayDay & Monopoly & Mousetrap, singing Paradise City & The Devil Went Down to GA, playing WAR with our brothers, & so much more. i am so glad that we are still close to this day & i LOVE you with all my heart. you have always been my sister. we'll find those adoption papers someday.
dearest trey, these last few weeks have been a blessing & a curse for both of us. we found feelings for each other that we never knew we could have & then had them ripped away. i will never forget how you helped me get through those nights when i felt like i had no reason to live & how we slept like angels for once in our lives.
dear kyle, yeah, i didn't call you krod this time. i miss the days of our youth, the days when we were carefree, no kids & no bills for either of us. i miss movie nights & wrestling events, trips to Six Flags, & drunken parties at Daniel's. i'm still sorry about the night i threw that chair at you. you know you mean more to mean in this world than any other, otherwise, why would i have entrusted my most precious babies to you in the event of my demise. if i died tonight, one of my biggest regrets would be that we didn't spend enough time together & that wwe didn't maintain that close bond we shared until you moved out from mom & dad's house. i miss you, bro.
dear gabriel, i don't know how long it will be before you read this blog or if you ever will. i'm sure you will be disgusted to see the things i had to say to alex, skye, armin, & michael, but i had to speak these words from my heart. of course i have some for you, as well. we've had a rollercoaster ride of a relationship from day one. mixed feelings & insecurities, deceptions abounded. now we are on the verge of divorce & you are over 300 miles away, but my heart is like a candle with a flicker of a flame left for you. it's your choice whether you fan it & watch it grow or snuff it & move on. until then, it will flicker wildly in the breeze that is life until one day when all is clear.
dear charity hilton, joanne ofeldt, tiffanie anderson, deanna keasler, & kellie roberts, you all were my best friends in high school. each one of you moved away or moved on with your life & i haven't seen any of you in a long time. i miss you all & wish we had kept in touch. maybe one day you will google your own name & find this blog of mine & once again we will be friends.
dear ryan holsonback, erik buckelew, ed green, blake flanagan, dallas conaway, brad lawrence, billy hallo, & preston tate, you were all at one time or another the object of my love and/or affection. i miss you all & wish we were still friends, still in touch, still something more than memories in my head. i remember smoking blunts in the woods, eating double big jacks with cheese & bacon, speaking our own little language, being carried through the woods on piggyback, parties every day of the week, vampire fangs, & first love. i remember you all fondly & hope that i pass through your thoughts in a positive way from time to time.
to those of you who i've left out, please don't feel left out. this blog was impromptu & i am on the verge of sedation now. just know i love you all as i love all my friends, now & forever.
and dearest skye, if you are reading this, i want you to know that i love you so much. i want to wrap my arms around you & shelter you from everything that would try to harm you or your precious heart. you are the most beautiful, creative, intelligent, loving........................................and so many more wonderful adjetives...person i have ever known. i want you to come & live with me. let me love you & make you smile. i know you will do the same for me, for i could not help but smile at your heavenly countenance. be with me?
as long as i am writing notes, dear armin...you have really been there for me in more ways than almost anyone. you have helped me out so many times in so many ways. if it wasn't for you i would be living at my parents house right now, miserable & alone. just knowing i have love that even the oceans cannot separate gives me such joy. thank you so much for everything.
dear michael, one of the best months of my entire life was the month that you lived with me. i loved having you around. not much tops the feeling of whipping your ass at 20 questions over & over & over again.
just curling up & watching movies was great, too, & it was so nice to have help with things like diapers & dishes & babysitting. you are the best.
dear nikki, you've been there since i was born. we've had some great times & some shitty ones, but the great times outweigh the bad ones. i'll never forget pushing each other in the lake, playing PayDay & Monopoly & Mousetrap, singing Paradise City & The Devil Went Down to GA, playing WAR with our brothers, & so much more. i am so glad that we are still close to this day & i LOVE you with all my heart. you have always been my sister. we'll find those adoption papers someday.
dearest trey, these last few weeks have been a blessing & a curse for both of us. we found feelings for each other that we never knew we could have & then had them ripped away. i will never forget how you helped me get through those nights when i felt like i had no reason to live & how we slept like angels for once in our lives.
dear kyle, yeah, i didn't call you krod this time. i miss the days of our youth, the days when we were carefree, no kids & no bills for either of us. i miss movie nights & wrestling events, trips to Six Flags, & drunken parties at Daniel's. i'm still sorry about the night i threw that chair at you. you know you mean more to mean in this world than any other, otherwise, why would i have entrusted my most precious babies to you in the event of my demise. if i died tonight, one of my biggest regrets would be that we didn't spend enough time together & that wwe didn't maintain that close bond we shared until you moved out from mom & dad's house. i miss you, bro.
dear gabriel, i don't know how long it will be before you read this blog or if you ever will. i'm sure you will be disgusted to see the things i had to say to alex, skye, armin, & michael, but i had to speak these words from my heart. of course i have some for you, as well. we've had a rollercoaster ride of a relationship from day one. mixed feelings & insecurities, deceptions abounded. now we are on the verge of divorce & you are over 300 miles away, but my heart is like a candle with a flicker of a flame left for you. it's your choice whether you fan it & watch it grow or snuff it & move on. until then, it will flicker wildly in the breeze that is life until one day when all is clear.
dear charity hilton, joanne ofeldt, tiffanie anderson, deanna keasler, & kellie roberts, you all were my best friends in high school. each one of you moved away or moved on with your life & i haven't seen any of you in a long time. i miss you all & wish we had kept in touch. maybe one day you will google your own name & find this blog of mine & once again we will be friends.
dear ryan holsonback, erik buckelew, ed green, blake flanagan, dallas conaway, brad lawrence, billy hallo, & preston tate, you were all at one time or another the object of my love and/or affection. i miss you all & wish we were still friends, still in touch, still something more than memories in my head. i remember smoking blunts in the woods, eating double big jacks with cheese & bacon, speaking our own little language, being carried through the woods on piggyback, parties every day of the week, vampire fangs, & first love. i remember you all fondly & hope that i pass through your thoughts in a positive way from time to time.
to those of you who i've left out, please don't feel left out. this blog was impromptu & i am on the verge of sedation now. just know i love you all as i love all my friends, now & forever.
bairdduvessa:
