louisthunter

Tonight I'm going to tell a story that is particularly unflattering to me. A few years back I worked at a Target as the team leader of the electronics department. So basically I was management, only because it's me, I did as little as possible. Most days were spent avoiding any real work and bullshitting with fellow employees (one of which was M_A_Y, before we were dating). A large part of the days were spent looking at cute girls and commenting on them to each other (the male staff, anyway).

That's the set-up. One fine afternoon, there was a very attractive young lady walking through the DVD aisle. All the testosterone filled employees took notice. I was in a toy aisle (avoiding work) when she comes around the corner, with the dorkiest guy I've ever seen. Shocking. I watch them cuddle up on each other for a minute, very obviously an item. I bail on the toy aisle and go to find one of the other managers that had been admiring the girl with me moments earlier.

It took me about five minutes, he was in the shampoo aisle restocking shelves. At this point I'm all excited to tell him "Dude, that really smokin' hot girl in the pink shirt that was looking at DVDs?" Him, "Yeah?". Me, "She's with the biggest looser I've ever seen - seriously, he better be fuckin' rich 'cause he ain't got shit else!". And with my really loud, rude statement I turned the corner, BAM - there the girl and her "looser" are, checking out the endcap.

I knew there was no chance they missed what I said. I felt like such a douche bag, and wasn't shy about it. I said, "Man, I'm so sorry for that. I have an unbelievably low self esteem and was just taking it out on you. I don't know what to say, you've bested me." The guy just smiled and said, "Don't worry about it." He knew he was the better man. She didn't even acknowledge me. They left and I proceeded to tell every employee exactly what a dick I was. Learned a lesson that day.

I like to think I get better with age. That's not the only time I've eaten my foot.