I guess I should clarify.
There are lots of obvious things to hate about the holidays. The consumerism and spending money and pretending to care about people, that old tune. But that's not even what I hate. In fact, two years ago Evan and I decided we'd have a wonderful holiday season, and buy lots of gifts for everyone, and listen to the music and eat the cookies and donate to toys for tots. And it was just lovely.
Because I don't have family around here, the holidays are a time of jumping from one friends family event to another. It would be nice, it should be nice. But it's a constant reminder of how alone I am. The no presents to give or receive part doesn't matter. Your family is nice, they're wonderful, it was so nice of you to invite me to share the holidays...but fuck, I sure would love to see my family.
I feel very alone these days. Alone in company. Sometimes just regular alone.
I got a new mannequin in the mail. I have another medical mannequin coming. Cute, ugly, beautiful, terrible. I think doll collecting is only meant to be understood by those who do it. These days I'll take whatever makes me happy, even for a few seconds.
Silicone and plastic happiness.
I made myself a turkey dinner. Yes, that's a Drake Coffe Cake. They don't exist any more.
Ok, back to work. I'm done at 7:30. At least I'll have tomorrow off, maybe I'll pull the curtains down and sleep late.
Thankful to have a roof over my head, and people who care. Thankful to make it through each day that I do. Have a great beautiful holiday all. I hope you can be with your families.
There are lots of obvious things to hate about the holidays. The consumerism and spending money and pretending to care about people, that old tune. But that's not even what I hate. In fact, two years ago Evan and I decided we'd have a wonderful holiday season, and buy lots of gifts for everyone, and listen to the music and eat the cookies and donate to toys for tots. And it was just lovely.
Because I don't have family around here, the holidays are a time of jumping from one friends family event to another. It would be nice, it should be nice. But it's a constant reminder of how alone I am. The no presents to give or receive part doesn't matter. Your family is nice, they're wonderful, it was so nice of you to invite me to share the holidays...but fuck, I sure would love to see my family.
I feel very alone these days. Alone in company. Sometimes just regular alone.
I got a new mannequin in the mail. I have another medical mannequin coming. Cute, ugly, beautiful, terrible. I think doll collecting is only meant to be understood by those who do it. These days I'll take whatever makes me happy, even for a few seconds.
Silicone and plastic happiness.
I made myself a turkey dinner. Yes, that's a Drake Coffe Cake. They don't exist any more.
Ok, back to work. I'm done at 7:30. At least I'll have tomorrow off, maybe I'll pull the curtains down and sleep late.
Thankful to have a roof over my head, and people who care. Thankful to make it through each day that I do. Have a great beautiful holiday all. I hope you can be with your families.
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
perr:
I know exactly what you mean. I've been living with my boy's family for a couple years...since the deaths of my grama and mother, my family has dispersed all over the country, and I never get to see them. Haven't spent a holiday with my fam in about 6 years. 
It's terribly lonely and I'm sending you lots of love and snuggles...be well, beautiful 
It's terribly lonely and I'm sending you lots of love and snuggles...be well, beautiful 
cyranodb:
You're not the only one that feels very alone during the holidays. IEvery year I just try to get through the insanity from Thanksgiving to Easter.