lost_to_me

Its like you get this feeling, as though something was missing. It
resonates from within what feels like your heart or chest. Strange warm
like sensations and a seemingly perpetually approaching tear of
saddness. It never comes, it never will. I think the emotions get the
strongest when I'm feeling lonely, leading to memories of times when I
wasn't really lonely, for example; sharing time with someone you used to
be connected to on a really deep level. Then that takes it to a whole
other step, because your comparing this joyful memory of feeling, to a
fairly dull un-occupied period.
This is all really hard to get past the first several times, but the
more I get to feeling like this, the more I can almost peek into what it
must feel like to be content with myself, with being alone, and having
girls be "just friends". The last step really is to try and fully
defeat any fear of lonesomeness or face it head on. But who isn't
afraid of being alone? I'm definately not the only one or even close to
being a minority in that point of view.

Basically, I'm trying harder and harder to live from breath to breath,
and being aware of what I'm experiencing at all times. Its difficult,
really, but not a horrible thing to want to accopmlish.

Jeremy aka "the jerk"