lorybeth

this is just a dumb shitty day. my boyfriend, who just got out of spending 50 days in jail for 2 dui's and a missed court date, started his day with drinking. Mind you one of his good friends is moving so they were following up the goodbye party the night before but still. Really, shots at 1030 am? Then of course they kept drinking and guess who's phone calls and texts have been ignored all day. Honestly most of it, I've been completely worried. I've been worried that he's going to get hurt or get in trouble. Those 50 days in jail were really hard for me, and when he was in jail he kept saying how things were going to be different, how he knew he needed to grow up and stop the drinking everyday, just get everything together in general. Well it's already looking like that's not happening. He is honestly a great guy, he's just at that point in life when you have to decide if you want to keep partying and not giving a shit about your future or if you want to get things together (not meaning that you can't have fun).
This of course doesn't help the fact that I've been feeling my old depression creeping back up. I feel so alone. I don't really have any friends here in Kansas City. My friends and boyfriend live in Austin and I just feel so left out. I'm only in college right now because I need to rent money I get from the GI Bill right now, but I fucking hate college. It kicks up my anxiety so badly to be in college. I start hair school in Feb once I move to Austin in Dec. It's just hard for me to be positive and say "December is only a few months away".
This is just one of those days when I feel like I'm drowning