I'm moving into my own place March 1st. I'm excited and sad all at the same time. I realize now that taking a step backwards in my relationship, just isn't what i want. I weighed the advantages and disadvantages...and i can't justify staying in a relationship where my significant other can't get their shit together and commit to me. Why would i date someone for 9 months, then move out and go back to just "dating"? for what reason? if we can't make it TOGETHER..i'm not going to waste another year waiting for us to click.
It really hurts to say those things. I love him a lot...but i know that i can find someone else to love me the way i need. To look at me and WANT me, have passion for me, and want to make me happy. I'm not angry at him anymore..i guess i resent him to a point for a number of reasons, but these things happen in life. I can't say he didn't try just as hard as i did..It's just that his idea of a good relationship, is not mine, and when 2 people are going in different directions in the same relationship, then eventually you grow apart enough to where there is no connection. If i could snap my fingers and get what i wanted from eric, i would do it...but he just isn't who i want to spend the rest of my life with...and knowing that i can't sit around and waste any more of my time.
Last night i was a wreck. I had one of hte hardest nights of my life. I envisioned a lot of really terrible things and i hope i don't go back there again. I wish i didn't quit smoking the reefer sometimes because that would be nice right now, but i also know that stuff did more harm to me than any good at all. I need to face this and get through it, not push it out of my head by getting intoxicated..that just prolongs my healing.
I am going to focus on my new place...right now i'm not getting a roommate, but maybe eventually i'll think about that. It might be nice to have someone around, but right now i need to be alone. I'm looking forward to having the girls over, cooking for myself, and having my neices over for movie nights.
It's going to be a new experience for me and i know it will be SO GOOD for me.
At least i have my job to look forward to as well. Loving your job so much is a really great feeling. I can focus on that, my new place and inevitably my new life.
It will be rough the next couple of weeks until i move out. Seeing him is incredibly hard on me, i just want to hold him and kiss him. I have however gotten ot the point where getting back together doesn't ease the pain, it just makes me get this sick feeling in my stomach. I guess having your heart broken like this is something you have to go through, but god i wish it was easier.
I'm going to need to "get out" again too pretty soon here. Right now i have no desire to party or be social, but i know it will be good for me to get out around people and not sit at home alone and dwell in this depression. *focus focus focus on the good stuff* is what i keep telling myself.
If you have anything nice to say to cheer me up, this would be the time.
It really hurts to say those things. I love him a lot...but i know that i can find someone else to love me the way i need. To look at me and WANT me, have passion for me, and want to make me happy. I'm not angry at him anymore..i guess i resent him to a point for a number of reasons, but these things happen in life. I can't say he didn't try just as hard as i did..It's just that his idea of a good relationship, is not mine, and when 2 people are going in different directions in the same relationship, then eventually you grow apart enough to where there is no connection. If i could snap my fingers and get what i wanted from eric, i would do it...but he just isn't who i want to spend the rest of my life with...and knowing that i can't sit around and waste any more of my time.
Last night i was a wreck. I had one of hte hardest nights of my life. I envisioned a lot of really terrible things and i hope i don't go back there again. I wish i didn't quit smoking the reefer sometimes because that would be nice right now, but i also know that stuff did more harm to me than any good at all. I need to face this and get through it, not push it out of my head by getting intoxicated..that just prolongs my healing.
I am going to focus on my new place...right now i'm not getting a roommate, but maybe eventually i'll think about that. It might be nice to have someone around, but right now i need to be alone. I'm looking forward to having the girls over, cooking for myself, and having my neices over for movie nights.
It's going to be a new experience for me and i know it will be SO GOOD for me.
At least i have my job to look forward to as well. Loving your job so much is a really great feeling. I can focus on that, my new place and inevitably my new life.
It will be rough the next couple of weeks until i move out. Seeing him is incredibly hard on me, i just want to hold him and kiss him. I have however gotten ot the point where getting back together doesn't ease the pain, it just makes me get this sick feeling in my stomach. I guess having your heart broken like this is something you have to go through, but god i wish it was easier.
I'm going to need to "get out" again too pretty soon here. Right now i have no desire to party or be social, but i know it will be good for me to get out around people and not sit at home alone and dwell in this depression. *focus focus focus on the good stuff* is what i keep telling myself.
If you have anything nice to say to cheer me up, this would be the time.
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P.S. I am single