lori_

SO i'm in a really weird place in my life these days. I feel like I have to like .....find myself again or something. New Year's eve was kind of the start of it.
I went to two totally different parties, the first one was cool, i had some fun, it was sort of sg party, but there were a lot of other people ther too, but it was all new people that for the most part I had never met before,
The second party was all the older guys that I grew up with and have known forever, and They both weirded me out a little. The whole night I felt like I was a spectator, not really THERE at either party, but it was just a weird feeling.

It's like I didn't really belong at the first party, i got along with everyone just fine, and I did enjoy seeing those I do know, but i just felt.....like I was in a different place than everyone else...like i shouldn't have been there (does that make sense at all) ...and my husband was Super drunk and that helped me feel more uncomfortable,

So then I went to the other party..with the guys i grew up with thinking that I would feel more comfortable, but when i got there it was like stepping back in time...none of them had changed and I felt like I wasn't that person anymore...I was a spectator there too.

So..I was just stuck in this inbetween and didn't really belong anywhere. I still feel like that.

I feel like.....for a long time I lost sight of myself and thought I was a different person than I am, and now i'm starting to realize who I am but it's confused with the people I thought i was and am trying to figure who was real and who was conditioned...(that's a mouthful)
SO i apologize to any of my new friends I may have offended on new years...i've heard that I came off as a snob...so sorry, i'm not...I just introvert when i get uncomfortable. At least i said goodbye to the people I was hanging out with there...I left the other party without saying a thing. I went out side for a smoke and never came back.

Well this is a long post so i should wrop it up.....I update again when I'm a little more clear on what's going on with me lately....who knows? maybe i'm just mental....i've heard it before.