An edited email, about how my life is going
I was sorry to hear about your grandfather, both my grandfathers died when I was very young so I never really got to know them. But not long ago one of my Grandmothers passed away, needless to say I have had regrets about not talking to her more, or getting to know her better then I did. I doubt you would have had that sort of problem, so Im sure its not easy.
Though I would like to get my Orange belt, something deep inside me says Im not really worthy to get it. Ive missed many classes, due to both sleeping problems, alcohol and drugs over the past few weeks. And have only given myself guilt over some things that are in the student creed that I have not been able to live up to.
On top of this self destructive behavior, I realized that I simply cannot afford Karate unless my income situation changes dramatically. Many people my age have some sort of nest egg going, while I simply live off whatever I manage to scrape together. And that usually envolves mooching off my parents in some way, which to be honest just makes me hate myself sometimes.
I will admit, that having that absurd bit of drama with that girl in class was hard enough, but then loosing my job around the same time I guess just made me cave in, in a way. I was also fed up with being quiet on what I described as "The Real Issue" which was that she was raped in front of people over the past summer, and didnt tell anyone about it. Though of course she though it was just fine to tell someone she hardly knows. Her issues are much worse then mine in a way, but I found out the hard way that she didnt want my help.
Its none of my busniess I suppose, and part of me wishes I never tried to help her. Thankfully I wont have to deal with her at all anymore. Though the excersize and training have helped me in more ways then I can describe, the facts are that I cant afford to go to the classes. This seems to happen every time I try to do something good for myself. Piano, Saxaphone, and even going back to school are just a few things Ive tried, only to find out that I simply dont have the money.
Thankfully I didnt get to know anyone very well, so I doubt I will be missed that much. Students tend to come and go Im sure. And I was never very good at dealing with people anyway, I am not a teacher, and I doubt I would have made a very good black belt considering my personality.
This does not mean that I am ready to give up just yet though, a small part of me screams that if I do one simple thing in my life, its to become a black belt in Karate. So I am hopeful that I will find some good paying work soon, I sent a Resume out to a local bread factory, and my hopes are much to high that I might start working there. I am all to ready for failure in that area, but I have a few other temporary options in grasp as well.
I dont like sending this, considering how emotionally distraught you must be over your grandfather, but I hope you will understand my financial situation right now simply wont allow me to continue classes. Though I hope I might be able to come back in the not so distant future. I will keep in touch with you, if that is all right. You have gone beyond the boundries of simply being a teacher and I will always be indebted to you for it.
I was sorry to hear about your grandfather, both my grandfathers died when I was very young so I never really got to know them. But not long ago one of my Grandmothers passed away, needless to say I have had regrets about not talking to her more, or getting to know her better then I did. I doubt you would have had that sort of problem, so Im sure its not easy.
Though I would like to get my Orange belt, something deep inside me says Im not really worthy to get it. Ive missed many classes, due to both sleeping problems, alcohol and drugs over the past few weeks. And have only given myself guilt over some things that are in the student creed that I have not been able to live up to.
On top of this self destructive behavior, I realized that I simply cannot afford Karate unless my income situation changes dramatically. Many people my age have some sort of nest egg going, while I simply live off whatever I manage to scrape together. And that usually envolves mooching off my parents in some way, which to be honest just makes me hate myself sometimes.
I will admit, that having that absurd bit of drama with that girl in class was hard enough, but then loosing my job around the same time I guess just made me cave in, in a way. I was also fed up with being quiet on what I described as "The Real Issue" which was that she was raped in front of people over the past summer, and didnt tell anyone about it. Though of course she though it was just fine to tell someone she hardly knows. Her issues are much worse then mine in a way, but I found out the hard way that she didnt want my help.
Its none of my busniess I suppose, and part of me wishes I never tried to help her. Thankfully I wont have to deal with her at all anymore. Though the excersize and training have helped me in more ways then I can describe, the facts are that I cant afford to go to the classes. This seems to happen every time I try to do something good for myself. Piano, Saxaphone, and even going back to school are just a few things Ive tried, only to find out that I simply dont have the money.
Thankfully I didnt get to know anyone very well, so I doubt I will be missed that much. Students tend to come and go Im sure. And I was never very good at dealing with people anyway, I am not a teacher, and I doubt I would have made a very good black belt considering my personality.
This does not mean that I am ready to give up just yet though, a small part of me screams that if I do one simple thing in my life, its to become a black belt in Karate. So I am hopeful that I will find some good paying work soon, I sent a Resume out to a local bread factory, and my hopes are much to high that I might start working there. I am all to ready for failure in that area, but I have a few other temporary options in grasp as well.
I dont like sending this, considering how emotionally distraught you must be over your grandfather, but I hope you will understand my financial situation right now simply wont allow me to continue classes. Though I hope I might be able to come back in the not so distant future. I will keep in touch with you, if that is all right. You have gone beyond the boundries of simply being a teacher and I will always be indebted to you for it.
nana:
I think they are not so expensive anymore 