lorensoth

Yesterday was one of those dark days that tend to find me every once in awhile, the realization that I am a hopeless failure that cant seem to get himself out of the hole I have dug myself into. Thoughts of how nothing I do will really change anything, and how in the end I will simple be forgotten made me feel like a lost soul. I really didn't know what to do with myself, but something caught my attention about the last movie I saw "Fearless" I found out Jet Li was a Buddhist, so on doing some minor searching on the religion I found one way they meditate, is by simply walking, something I haven't done in ages. So I ended up walking, how far I walked I'm not really sure, but I ended up at the nearby beach. When I got to the water I stood there and listened to the waves for a little while, maybe because I'm a Cancer the sound of the water might have helped to calm my mind but I dunno for sure. I did feel better walking back home though.

I passed alot of old memories on that walk to, mostly happy ones but remembering how long ago they were, and how all those people I use to know are long gone made me rather melancholy. I know I need to find work and start to get some money, if only part time I need to get money so I can save it up and get away from here someday. I've spent to much time stuck here, and its gnawing away at my thoughts every day. I plan to go out tomorrow and look for work, but there are still no guarantee that Ill find anything. What's worse is that even if I do find something, ill need to keep looking for work to hopefully find something better. And for some reason its very hard to keep myself motivated for long, I tend to get to comfortable with where I'm at and I end up not advancing at all. Seems like its time I gave myself a good kick in the ass I suppose. Hopefully the pain I feel in my legs will be a reminder that I need to make myself stronger, both mentally and physically, and soon.