lordkalkin

I had a long za-zen session yesterday morning. I don't know quite how long, but it was at least 30 minutes, maybe as long as 45 or 50. I hit several layers of pain, limbs falling asleep, pins and needles stuff. I just kept going through it. When you've meditated a bit, you start to learn to be aware of your own will. It comes pretty quickly to me now. What I mean is, there are times when I hurt or twitch, when I can tell that my muscles need to move, to flex, something, but they haven't because I haven't told them to do so. At first, it's hard to maintain a posture, my back hurts especially, and I just fall out of it. Now, more often than not, I don't move. I spend large amounts of time wanting to move, but not doing so; the act of willing has not taken place. When I finally decided to end, I slid off of the cushion and assumed the corpse posture, which is aptly named. It's an intermediate posture in yoga, basically flopping down on your back and letting all of your muscles fall limp. One uses it to recover between strenuous asanas. When I get into that posture, I know my legs and feet are asleep because they're numb, but it takes a few minutes for the pins and needles to actually start again. This time, when the pins and needles get going, I started laughing euphorically. I would say I couldn't stop, but that would imply that I was trying to stop. I wasn't; I just let it go and laughed for a while. Once that passed I felt like I had recovered, so I got up. While laughing, I realized that the euphoria was what that of the 5th circuit, same as what pot is supposed to do. This is not the first time that I felt like I had duplicated the effects of marijuana with a mediation exercise, but it was a new manifestation.