Title: Week in Heck
I must admit, I am feeling a little let down by the world.
Much sickness and mayhem in the Middle East. People killing each other. Canada not doing sh*t to stop the entire mess (just when we were supposed to be peacemakers...). And both sides committing atrocities. How sad.
But hey, i'm a bit self centered. The world can go to hell, but I can still call it a good week if I am doing well for myself. Unfortunately, that is not the case.
First, it was the little things. By themselves, or even clustered in groups, they would not affect me. Hell, it's mundane stuff, which can be easily overlooked. Stuff like having 12+ hours on a RPG game go to waste because the memory card corrupted, or how some kids liked to taunt me because i'm a janitor, or the ire of my boss for something I didn't do but had to apologize for anyways to get him off my back. Small stuff like that.
But no... for some reason i'm feeling down in the dumps. Can't fully explain it, but I can try. How shall I put it?
I will not be fully accepted the way that I am.
Even on SG, I can feel that I am not uniform enough to be part of this community. Everyone's too similar. Part geek, part punk, part goth and part liberal. I am a geek, but no punk (kinda dorky looking to me), only a closet goth, and I'm a conservative. I'm also a Christian no less. I hear the people badmouthing Christians on the boards, yet I can do nothing. At some points, I let them blither on about how horrible we Christians are, and how it is our fault that many atrocities in the world are caused. Not once, not once, have they mentioned anything good. Its like they don't even try!
But neither do I. Why? Because I know that I cannot sway them. What's the point trying to convince people who not only can't listen, but outright refuse? Is this the open mindedness that they preach? I think not! Its like trying to make a point to a person while they plug their ears and obnoxiously yell 'LALALALALA".
So, futility aside, I also feel excluded. All these cool things happen to the Calgary SG'ers, and I am not part of it. I would like to be for once in my life. I'm sick of being an island unto myself. I must step outside.
However, I'm sick of butting into sociables, and being proactive didn't work too well, as proven in my Van Helsing night. I am not sure what to do now. If I do the calling, I feel like i'm interloping. And nobody else tries to be proactive themselves. So, trying to be sociable is self defeating at best.
There were some good things though, but again, mundane stuff that can be overlooked when you're feeling crushed. Stuff like going shopping on thursday. I picked up a new video card, a Sapphire Atlantis Radeon 9200 (with VIVO, so I can record my favorite shows). Then I went to Sunridge, and I found a ornamental Katana/Wakizashi set with stand for only $120+ dollars. Naturally, I picked it up since I always wanted one for decoration and sword practice. Better yet, Shinai's (bamboo practice swords) are only fifty bucks there as well. I should get one of those if i'm going to be serious about it.
Oh, and I still haven't gotten around to phoning 'Saleem'. Excuses always come up, such as I forget, or my roommate Raven is around (he doesn't know how to shut up or turn down the volume of the computer when i'm on the phone, and its worse when he has friends over almost every week), or I sleep in. I try, but I am at a loss. Sometimes, I ask myself 'what's the point'?
Next week, I will feel better. How? I do not know. And if I don't, who do I blame? It has to be someone's fault, because i'm sick and tired of blaming myself. Honestly, how many times could it be me?
I must admit, I am feeling a little let down by the world.
Much sickness and mayhem in the Middle East. People killing each other. Canada not doing sh*t to stop the entire mess (just when we were supposed to be peacemakers...). And both sides committing atrocities. How sad.
But hey, i'm a bit self centered. The world can go to hell, but I can still call it a good week if I am doing well for myself. Unfortunately, that is not the case.
First, it was the little things. By themselves, or even clustered in groups, they would not affect me. Hell, it's mundane stuff, which can be easily overlooked. Stuff like having 12+ hours on a RPG game go to waste because the memory card corrupted, or how some kids liked to taunt me because i'm a janitor, or the ire of my boss for something I didn't do but had to apologize for anyways to get him off my back. Small stuff like that.
But no... for some reason i'm feeling down in the dumps. Can't fully explain it, but I can try. How shall I put it?
I will not be fully accepted the way that I am.
Even on SG, I can feel that I am not uniform enough to be part of this community. Everyone's too similar. Part geek, part punk, part goth and part liberal. I am a geek, but no punk (kinda dorky looking to me), only a closet goth, and I'm a conservative. I'm also a Christian no less. I hear the people badmouthing Christians on the boards, yet I can do nothing. At some points, I let them blither on about how horrible we Christians are, and how it is our fault that many atrocities in the world are caused. Not once, not once, have they mentioned anything good. Its like they don't even try!
But neither do I. Why? Because I know that I cannot sway them. What's the point trying to convince people who not only can't listen, but outright refuse? Is this the open mindedness that they preach? I think not! Its like trying to make a point to a person while they plug their ears and obnoxiously yell 'LALALALALA".
So, futility aside, I also feel excluded. All these cool things happen to the Calgary SG'ers, and I am not part of it. I would like to be for once in my life. I'm sick of being an island unto myself. I must step outside.
However, I'm sick of butting into sociables, and being proactive didn't work too well, as proven in my Van Helsing night. I am not sure what to do now. If I do the calling, I feel like i'm interloping. And nobody else tries to be proactive themselves. So, trying to be sociable is self defeating at best.
There were some good things though, but again, mundane stuff that can be overlooked when you're feeling crushed. Stuff like going shopping on thursday. I picked up a new video card, a Sapphire Atlantis Radeon 9200 (with VIVO, so I can record my favorite shows). Then I went to Sunridge, and I found a ornamental Katana/Wakizashi set with stand for only $120+ dollars. Naturally, I picked it up since I always wanted one for decoration and sword practice. Better yet, Shinai's (bamboo practice swords) are only fifty bucks there as well. I should get one of those if i'm going to be serious about it.
Oh, and I still haven't gotten around to phoning 'Saleem'. Excuses always come up, such as I forget, or my roommate Raven is around (he doesn't know how to shut up or turn down the volume of the computer when i'm on the phone, and its worse when he has friends over almost every week), or I sleep in. I try, but I am at a loss. Sometimes, I ask myself 'what's the point'?
Next week, I will feel better. How? I do not know. And if I don't, who do I blame? It has to be someone's fault, because i'm sick and tired of blaming myself. Honestly, how many times could it be me?
I've posted shit on this site about rallies touring across Canada & most of the posts were negative comments..I figured most of the people here would be against Multi-National corporations running the world, but no...Everyone seems to not mind that Wal-Mart is destroying the world!!
The only way you can change shit is if you are the CEO of Starbucks or the Gap...it's fucked!
Just be yourself, do what makes YOU happy & screw the rest!
Anyway, I see you might be into swords...A friend of mine makes knives..you should check his website
Lambert Knives
Also, Van Helsing: I didn't see your post until the next day. Try giving us some more warning than "tonight" and you've got to keep in mind that most of us were friends before sg. So it's not like we have a select group of people we'll only hang out with. It's just that we've been hanging out for years.