Title: Happy Birthday to Me!
It's my birthday, folks. I am officially 22 years old, as of now. And today... I don't have anything special planned. It's just an inconvenient day to have a birthday, I think.
But my folks congratulated me on turning 22. That was nice of them. Parents came back from a winterlong vacation in Arizona. I'll see them on the end of March for a few days, but that's it.
My 21st birthday was more momentous in my life. That was also the same day I walked down the aisle and received my Bachelor's degree. My landlady at the time got a cake and we celebrated graduation and my birthday on the same day. It was a good day. Full of hope and promise. I figured nothing could stop me. I would be successful in my endeavours from there on in.
Where did it go? It has been a year since I graduated and all I have is a student debt, a debt to my parents for what student loans couldn't pay, a shitty job, and a basement suite on the poor side of town. My task to find a successful career has crashed as badly as the Battle of Kursk. Now I am apathetic, and feel no energy or vitality left in my body. It's like I've aged twenty years in only the span of one, without the emotional growth!
I find refuge in games, but even that is not enough. I can barely get myself to go to church due to the weight on my heart. And now I dread going back home to see my folks, and explain to them why their potentially successful son, the first in our entire clan to get a Bachelor's Degree (and hopes to get more, or even higher), is nothing more than a mop pusher.
In October, when they visited me, they were still hopeful that I would get a job. Now, I think they will be impatient.
So I look at this birthday and say 'now what'? I have nothing. I tried to get something and was denied by people and forces beyond my control. I'm sick of trying to win over human resources lackies and managers and failing. I'm also sick of doing a crap job just to pay the bills. But I also see no way out because I was denied before. And I can't do anything else because the loans are a damn shackle.
I don't like this birthday, nor any of the others that will come over the years. The good birthdays are gone. It's downhill from here.
Happy birthday.
It's my birthday, folks. I am officially 22 years old, as of now. And today... I don't have anything special planned. It's just an inconvenient day to have a birthday, I think.
But my folks congratulated me on turning 22. That was nice of them. Parents came back from a winterlong vacation in Arizona. I'll see them on the end of March for a few days, but that's it.
My 21st birthday was more momentous in my life. That was also the same day I walked down the aisle and received my Bachelor's degree. My landlady at the time got a cake and we celebrated graduation and my birthday on the same day. It was a good day. Full of hope and promise. I figured nothing could stop me. I would be successful in my endeavours from there on in.
Where did it go? It has been a year since I graduated and all I have is a student debt, a debt to my parents for what student loans couldn't pay, a shitty job, and a basement suite on the poor side of town. My task to find a successful career has crashed as badly as the Battle of Kursk. Now I am apathetic, and feel no energy or vitality left in my body. It's like I've aged twenty years in only the span of one, without the emotional growth!
I find refuge in games, but even that is not enough. I can barely get myself to go to church due to the weight on my heart. And now I dread going back home to see my folks, and explain to them why their potentially successful son, the first in our entire clan to get a Bachelor's Degree (and hopes to get more, or even higher), is nothing more than a mop pusher.
In October, when they visited me, they were still hopeful that I would get a job. Now, I think they will be impatient.
So I look at this birthday and say 'now what'? I have nothing. I tried to get something and was denied by people and forces beyond my control. I'm sick of trying to win over human resources lackies and managers and failing. I'm also sick of doing a crap job just to pay the bills. But I also see no way out because I was denied before. And I can't do anything else because the loans are a damn shackle.
I don't like this birthday, nor any of the others that will come over the years. The good birthdays are gone. It's downhill from here.
Happy birthday.
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Trust me, Arizona is freakin' paradise!