Ohayo!
I'm in a better mood now. Not sure what got over me the last journal entry. My... was I miserable.
I shouldn't be sad at the world, I should be pissed off at it. Negative or not, you need energy to do anything. My last entry was not energy.
What surprises me is that the two responses showed absolute concern. Maybe I should confess that there's something wrong...
Is there?
I dreaded reading the responses. Maybe that's what i'm afraid of. When people tell it to me like it is, it's not like i'm screaming bloody murder while they point out my flaws and try to build me up. Its more as if i'm facing my true self, ugliness, potential, and all. Truthfully, I don't like whining. I don't like scaring my friends like this. I don't like putting friends in the uncomfortable position of psychoanalysts. However, when I look back, see what i've felt in these journals, see their opinions as if they are looking at me on a dissecting table, I gain a better understanding of what I am.
I understand that I'm frustrated, and it's getting to me, and affecting my relationships, my job, and my life.
But anyways, I was able to visit a few friends during Christmas and boxing day. It was nice to see my friends again. However, I miss my parents and my siblings, and I'm sure they miss the hell out of me. This is the first time, and most likely won't be the last. I guess it had to be done eventually.
(Ed. Notes: A bit too detatched?)
I gave gifts. I was given gifts. That's what Christmas is about. Giving. Not just who gives what and how much to whom, but that fact that giving is encouraged. If there was more of that, there would be more warmth in the world.
I was supposed to talk to my new landlord today, but he didn't get my messages. At this rate, I'll never get to move. *L* By the way, when I move, I won't have a decent internet connection, so I might be gone. As in fin, gonzo, bye bye. At least until we get a new connection. Appearantly, my roommate had a connection... but for a few months he was a deadbeat and he had a few outstanding bills concerning said internet. And since I can't transfer my modem and account over to that place for some stupid reason, I'm stuck with a spare modem and a an obligation to pay a huge ass bill in order to get back online. But no worries. I'll be back somehow. You'll know when I'm back, bitching about how the world gives me the royal shaft.
While I worry about a few personal things, it looks like the holidays were as gloomy as I thought in my last journal. I read the papers, and see all sorts of disasters. Plane crash. A big earthquake in Iran. More coalition troops killed in Iraq. I pray for them all, because it is all I can do for now.
I'll be back up in a few hours, to pack for the big move, and to tell you all about my freakiest dream yet. And yes, this one questions whether or not I have all my nuts and bolts in place...
I'm in a better mood now. Not sure what got over me the last journal entry. My... was I miserable.
I shouldn't be sad at the world, I should be pissed off at it. Negative or not, you need energy to do anything. My last entry was not energy.
What surprises me is that the two responses showed absolute concern. Maybe I should confess that there's something wrong...
Is there?
I dreaded reading the responses. Maybe that's what i'm afraid of. When people tell it to me like it is, it's not like i'm screaming bloody murder while they point out my flaws and try to build me up. Its more as if i'm facing my true self, ugliness, potential, and all. Truthfully, I don't like whining. I don't like scaring my friends like this. I don't like putting friends in the uncomfortable position of psychoanalysts. However, when I look back, see what i've felt in these journals, see their opinions as if they are looking at me on a dissecting table, I gain a better understanding of what I am.
I understand that I'm frustrated, and it's getting to me, and affecting my relationships, my job, and my life.
But anyways, I was able to visit a few friends during Christmas and boxing day. It was nice to see my friends again. However, I miss my parents and my siblings, and I'm sure they miss the hell out of me. This is the first time, and most likely won't be the last. I guess it had to be done eventually.
(Ed. Notes: A bit too detatched?)
I gave gifts. I was given gifts. That's what Christmas is about. Giving. Not just who gives what and how much to whom, but that fact that giving is encouraged. If there was more of that, there would be more warmth in the world.
I was supposed to talk to my new landlord today, but he didn't get my messages. At this rate, I'll never get to move. *L* By the way, when I move, I won't have a decent internet connection, so I might be gone. As in fin, gonzo, bye bye. At least until we get a new connection. Appearantly, my roommate had a connection... but for a few months he was a deadbeat and he had a few outstanding bills concerning said internet. And since I can't transfer my modem and account over to that place for some stupid reason, I'm stuck with a spare modem and a an obligation to pay a huge ass bill in order to get back online. But no worries. I'll be back somehow. You'll know when I'm back, bitching about how the world gives me the royal shaft.
While I worry about a few personal things, it looks like the holidays were as gloomy as I thought in my last journal. I read the papers, and see all sorts of disasters. Plane crash. A big earthquake in Iran. More coalition troops killed in Iraq. I pray for them all, because it is all I can do for now.
I'll be back up in a few hours, to pack for the big move, and to tell you all about my freakiest dream yet. And yes, this one questions whether or not I have all my nuts and bolts in place...