loobyloo

Well the detox didn't go too badly. I didn't do it for as long as I planned but I feel like it was a good exercise in self control for me. Have been spending a fortune on food tho, all this fruit and veg and healthy stuff is fuckin pricey. (I'd like to think that if i had more money I'd be healthier!!)

At the weekend I went and looked a motorbikes!!! YAY in a couple of months I'm going to have one! Can't wait! I'm going to do my CBT next month and then buy a bike at the end of March cos I get my yearly bonus.


But unfortunately despite that I'm feelin pretty low at the moment. Its my birthday next week. I havent had a good birthday for 4 years. Each year it just seems to get worse. Whatever I plan goes tits up so this year I'm going to try and ignore it as much as I can. Its really preying on my mind though already. I'm dreading it. I wish I'd taken the day off work just so I could stay in bed on my own all day and cry. Everyones going to be asking what I'm doing for my birthday and I'm going to have to try and explain why I'm not doing anything. AARRGGHH I wish no one knew, it would be much easier.
My man is trying to cheer me up and persuade me to do something. I've got a horrible feeling he might try and arrange somehting for me. I know he's just trying to help and he wants the best for me but its the last thing that i want.

Not really sure what to do with myself, am just getting more and more depressed as it approaches.