longblackbangs

the first day of school itself was good but the realization of what the rest of my life holds is more than I can take. When your younger you can think the most horrific things that could possibly occure in the course of your life and what you may turn out to be. You can think the most awful outcome and maybe even believe they are could be true, but then some sort of rational thought comes to your mind and you realize there is a lot of time between now and then the thought is numbed. But only at a certain point do these things materialize and you realize that this is me, this is what I have become and I, in all honesty, don't think I have the will or energy to change it. I am going to be what I never wanted to be...just some lonely, bitter guy, educated just enough to see that I hate the way the world operates but not motivated/willing/able bodied enough to do something about it.

I fucking hate what's happened to me...

There is a lot I need to say but I need to be heading out the door so I will finish this up later. I need to fucking compose myself by the time I get over to Oakland. That's all. I'll be back later. goodbye.

-billy