longblackbangs

I never thought I would feel bitterness set in at the age of 22. I guess thats to be expected when you put people on pedistals and expect them to stay there, but we all want to take what we think is ours of this life. My circle of friends is closing up fast and I know I won't see much more of those who, just six months ago, said we will stay close together. It's no suprise that "adults" have there "spouse" and not much else to hang out with on the weekends. We all get caught up in our pointless lives... I can be happy knowing that I have two people who will be there for the fore-seeable future, at least idealistically (knock on wood) but I don't see much else.

I wonder who I will, or have, played the asshole to. I have to admit when faced the question "what's better and whats worse, to suffer or to cause others to?" (to quote a seemingly cool guy) I would have to take the latter. Taking people actions personally, however, only drives me closer to make there decisions. We all got problems and my part in there lives are no more a bad effect on them that their's is on me (but that isn't saying much).

Everyday it seems that peoples easy ways out of every situation make more and more sense. Thats fucking horrible, but the world is horrible because everyone wants to take what they can get.

Well...this flow/vomit of conciousness could go on for sometime so I will stop.

The continual rate of this innocense lost has me wondering how long it takes a human mind (even with all the fighting to stay alive) to go numb.

I guess im not too worried yet because the prospect of making little to no money doing something I love surrounded by nothing but a few close friends doesn't seem like a life ending scenerio yet...

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