comment on a comment aka variation of a theme aka the near perminant future (in laymans terms= a follow-up from the reply to my last journal):
the point is well taken but those are by no means new thoughts to me. getting that four track recorder doesn't mean a one track mind is soon to follow, and what is so bad about plastering every visible wall of my one room apartment with only my friends artwork. after all, it speaks much more to me than some overpriced piece of shit print purchased at some tourist trap on Telegraph by some depressed semtimental kid who had no taste in art..and still lacks it. And what is going to teach me more about art? School?!?!?! No more than it is going to teach me about life, as I drive from my parents house to campus and back, all the time trapped in my own head. All the while knowing what I don't want but never finding out what I do want. My early to mid twentys will soon be gone, and along with them all my friends, taken by highways, big cities, the lure of women with long black bangs and and the distorted view that any one of us is going to do anything worthwhile with our lives...I though we all at one time came to the conclusion that we couldn't because we were human beings. Of course it is pointless to think things are going to change by simply moving, because "where ever you go ...there you are" but I am begining to feel that following this already treaded path that I am currently on might be even more of a foolish thing to do. Not only am I following the beaten path but I am also laging incredibly far behind. Even though I feel i started a little sooner than most of those that I care about, I think I was spending a lot of time wandering aimlessly while they were out enjoying themselves. So here I am..the example of what you get when you follow the rules but don't want to fall in line and give in. I am behind and I don't know if cutting my loses would be a mistake or the only right thing to do. Because this is where my idealistic path (and listening to the words of other idealists) has gotten me...alone on a Friday night with all my closest friends in a city 100 miles away and one still in town with a preoccupation that I myself am lacking and quickly on his way out. Yep...die crew. im dying indeed...
in closing these are not at all bitter words to any one of you...please don't take it that way. just how i feel and what I feel is our (or at least my) actual reality...i don't know what i will do but my indicision has a way of paralyzing me so I will probably be stuck where I am commuting for the next three years.
I swear (dot) i swear (dot) i swear (dot)
i'll cross my heart and hope to die...
the point is well taken but those are by no means new thoughts to me. getting that four track recorder doesn't mean a one track mind is soon to follow, and what is so bad about plastering every visible wall of my one room apartment with only my friends artwork. after all, it speaks much more to me than some overpriced piece of shit print purchased at some tourist trap on Telegraph by some depressed semtimental kid who had no taste in art..and still lacks it. And what is going to teach me more about art? School?!?!?! No more than it is going to teach me about life, as I drive from my parents house to campus and back, all the time trapped in my own head. All the while knowing what I don't want but never finding out what I do want. My early to mid twentys will soon be gone, and along with them all my friends, taken by highways, big cities, the lure of women with long black bangs and and the distorted view that any one of us is going to do anything worthwhile with our lives...I though we all at one time came to the conclusion that we couldn't because we were human beings. Of course it is pointless to think things are going to change by simply moving, because "where ever you go ...there you are" but I am begining to feel that following this already treaded path that I am currently on might be even more of a foolish thing to do. Not only am I following the beaten path but I am also laging incredibly far behind. Even though I feel i started a little sooner than most of those that I care about, I think I was spending a lot of time wandering aimlessly while they were out enjoying themselves. So here I am..the example of what you get when you follow the rules but don't want to fall in line and give in. I am behind and I don't know if cutting my loses would be a mistake or the only right thing to do. Because this is where my idealistic path (and listening to the words of other idealists) has gotten me...alone on a Friday night with all my closest friends in a city 100 miles away and one still in town with a preoccupation that I myself am lacking and quickly on his way out. Yep...die crew. im dying indeed...
in closing these are not at all bitter words to any one of you...please don't take it that way. just how i feel and what I feel is our (or at least my) actual reality...i don't know what i will do but my indicision has a way of paralyzing me so I will probably be stuck where I am commuting for the next three years.
I swear (dot) i swear (dot) i swear (dot)
i'll cross my heart and hope to die...
XOX-L
...I meant nothing by what I siad, I made the mistake of beginning with sarcasm and ending with a cute shallow fantasy. I was simply trying to make you laugh, it sounded like you needed to. So please accept my appology, even though you can't see it I think everything is as it should be.
close one eye
and dot dot dot your die...
[Edited on Aug 31, 2003]