Well I just got back from Spirit West Coast. It was a good time and saw some good shows, but more importantly, the speakers there, said some things I really needed to hear. I am a Christian but I've been dying and falling apart for a long time now.
I need help. People know I need it. Everyone can see that somethings wrong but when people ask I can only deny it. I want help but I am afraid to let my family know, and I also cannot afford to pay for any professional help. I'm hurting and crying inside almost every second of the day. I feel a little more distant and lonely every day. Please help me... I want and need it...
My secret issue I hate the most: I struggle with pornography and have for a really long time which basically has taken its toll on all aspects of my life, it's something I've tried to hide but I just don't want to anymore. While I don't consider SG public since my friends and family wont ever read this for the most part its a small step forward and in a sense at least I'm admitting my problems, though I know quite a few folks here wouldn't consider it a problem I consider it a huge one that has torn up my heart and polluted my mind for a long time and I have tried to fight it alone and I do well sometimes but when bad stuff happens to me I fall apart.) - One of the speakers at Spirit West Coast I think talked some sense into me. (I don't really consider SG porn however, since for some reason there is absolutely no sexual component to this site or sexual attraction, its weird but true)
I think my second issue is my self image. I've been trying to make some changes and I believe I've made some headway. But I think instead of just my friends and myself reassuring me that I'm not trash, I needed someone to show me that God doesn't think I'm trash- and he doesn't! My self-image is probably the number one thing that damages my relationships, I'm pretty sure because it effects everything I do, and it's made me really bitter against everything in me and in the world.
I've done some things and made some changes in my life allowing me to enjoy my time and be happier but I can only do so much alone. I want to be able to accept that other people do care and love me and that I'm not alone which I believe is the truth though my head tells me otherwise, and I want to be able to get this stuff fixed so I can have proper relationships that can grow deep with people.
I need help. People know I need it. Everyone can see that somethings wrong but when people ask I can only deny it. I want help but I am afraid to let my family know, and I also cannot afford to pay for any professional help. I'm hurting and crying inside almost every second of the day. I feel a little more distant and lonely every day. Please help me... I want and need it...
My secret issue I hate the most: I struggle with pornography and have for a really long time which basically has taken its toll on all aspects of my life, it's something I've tried to hide but I just don't want to anymore. While I don't consider SG public since my friends and family wont ever read this for the most part its a small step forward and in a sense at least I'm admitting my problems, though I know quite a few folks here wouldn't consider it a problem I consider it a huge one that has torn up my heart and polluted my mind for a long time and I have tried to fight it alone and I do well sometimes but when bad stuff happens to me I fall apart.) - One of the speakers at Spirit West Coast I think talked some sense into me. (I don't really consider SG porn however, since for some reason there is absolutely no sexual component to this site or sexual attraction, its weird but true)
I think my second issue is my self image. I've been trying to make some changes and I believe I've made some headway. But I think instead of just my friends and myself reassuring me that I'm not trash, I needed someone to show me that God doesn't think I'm trash- and he doesn't! My self-image is probably the number one thing that damages my relationships, I'm pretty sure because it effects everything I do, and it's made me really bitter against everything in me and in the world.
I've done some things and made some changes in my life allowing me to enjoy my time and be happier but I can only do so much alone. I want to be able to accept that other people do care and love me and that I'm not alone which I believe is the truth though my head tells me otherwise, and I want to be able to get this stuff fixed so I can have proper relationships that can grow deep with people.