Hmm... I think I'm getting a little tired of people calling me crazy, not that I am not crazy. But if you know you are, I don't think you really can be, its entirely self induced crazy absurdness due to self affliction and hatred. Is that crazy? Well in that case, I'll just have to try a little harder to drowned the voices out- it's dangerous to be alone like this.
When you're alone, you don't get to wear the mask. When you're with people, you change and become like them, and can instantly pick and choose what you want them to see. When you're alone there's nothing to emulate, nobody to pretend to be except yourself.
I hate every moment of it, the voices are loud and painful. I cram them back down my throat, trying to suffocate them.
*jumps thoughts*
I try so hard to remember how I got to where I am today. I'm pretty sure I've been fucking myself up slowly but surely over probably the past 7-8 years. Why would someone mess themselves up while being so young? Todays youth are fucked up, by the time I was a little punk ass kid at 12 I was just a bundle of loathing for everything- it made me sick for several years. Apparently I got better though. I'm not really good at the whole self reflection thing so I rarely do it, since you're suppose to look over what you've been through and experienced and try to learn from it and take something with you. I look back with disgust, and it just makes me wonder why I'm allowed to still be here, it's really unfair.
*jumps back to the future*
Now I'm here, and it seems a few fragments of my shell have been chipped away, and some people are trying to get a glimplse of what's inside. Too bad I'm not like pandora's box.
When you're alone, you don't get to wear the mask. When you're with people, you change and become like them, and can instantly pick and choose what you want them to see. When you're alone there's nothing to emulate, nobody to pretend to be except yourself.
I hate every moment of it, the voices are loud and painful. I cram them back down my throat, trying to suffocate them.
*jumps thoughts*
I try so hard to remember how I got to where I am today. I'm pretty sure I've been fucking myself up slowly but surely over probably the past 7-8 years. Why would someone mess themselves up while being so young? Todays youth are fucked up, by the time I was a little punk ass kid at 12 I was just a bundle of loathing for everything- it made me sick for several years. Apparently I got better though. I'm not really good at the whole self reflection thing so I rarely do it, since you're suppose to look over what you've been through and experienced and try to learn from it and take something with you. I look back with disgust, and it just makes me wonder why I'm allowed to still be here, it's really unfair.
*jumps back to the future*
Now I'm here, and it seems a few fragments of my shell have been chipped away, and some people are trying to get a glimplse of what's inside. Too bad I'm not like pandora's box.
You're only as fucked up as you allow yourself to be... And usually the times you seem to be at your worst is when you give up and swim down the spiral. But that's a choice, I suppose.
And I don't think most of us can look back on our pasts without shuddering about it at least a little bit. But don't feel bad about it because it made you who you are today. And try as you might to convince yourself that you suck and have no point and blah blah, it's not quite true. So chin up doll, the world's not all bad.