lonelyhearted

So yeah it hasn't been a great week really. My bday was tuesday. My roommates took me out to dinner monday night and then Lindsey surprised me with a trip to a bar Ive been wanting to try. I had a lot of fun and I couldn't thank her enough for it, none of my friends had ever done something like that for me. It was a good night for me I felt a lot better. Then tuesday came and half my family and most my friends never even called made me feel oh so loved and cared about. The only good part of the day was I went for my therapy screening interview, I was there for like 3 hours doing paperwork and then having an actual interview. I think it went well and it made me feel better and somewhat in control to be taking things into my own hands in an effort to get better.

I was pretty good most of the day and started to get bummed towards the end when I realized that a lot of people didn't even care it was my bday. Wednesday morning sucked although I did take one of my new ambiens tuesday and slept for like 10 hours it was amazing i felt rested. I even called up the counseling center to see if I could get the psych test moved up to that afternoon figuring the sooner I get it done the faster Ig et help and I was able to take it so I was happy. I was ok most of the day and then in the evening it all hit again and I wanted to just cry, I felt horrible like the world was crashing in on me. I wound up taking the ambien at 10 just so I would go to sleep and not have to think about things. Today I was bummed and depressed all day, i felt so alone and unwanted. Tonight is no bueno either, I think im going to bed soon so again I dont have to think about shit. I want this shit to stop so bad. I want to right but I lack the motivation to do so. I feel like I have no friends right now, wait I dont have any friends that right. I have Lindsey though she's pretty much all I keep going for at this point. I love her to death but its a friendship thing I wish it could be more. She has the most amazing personality and if I were to ever get married it would be to someone like her. She is driven, motivated, oriented, sweet, caring, loving, compassionate, not to mention gorgeous, just truly one of the most amazing people you could ever meet. I know we will be friends forever.

But anyways I'm outta here for now, I want to take my sleeping pill so I can be gone from this hell for a temporary vacation. I dont even want to go to school tomorrow, this depression has really hurt me in that department, I'm hoping to pass this semester. Anyways all is numb right now so I will talk later.