I have been thinking about this for a long time: whether or not I'd hang out more often on here, or fade away. For the most part I did fade away.
I did try to attend an event: the mother's day massacre. People could see that I was not comfortable there (I did try though, but I could only get soo many beers. And I did go outside a lot (and at one instance I almost ended up in a bad situation via a homeless person telling me he was desperate and didn't know what he was going to do (acting as if he was possibly going to get violent - of which I do not really need) ). ) That day wore me out lots.
**I am not looking for people's sympathy - I jsut mention it because I wanted ppl to know that I did try -- but with it being too crowded and hot and stuffy, it doesnt do well with me.
(I know some ppl want me to go to lots of events - but please understand. And I am not looking for sympathy - K)
Memorial day weekend I spent driving to PA: My mom has been in a nursing home since 2003 - and the only diagnosis I (as well as my little brother, his g/f and her family) knew was that my mom had pre-lukemia.
Before the weekend started I got a call from the oldest brother telling me this and that- and well, he was upset- and he caused my lil bro's g/f's mom to become hysterical. Then I called the nursing home and found out via the nurse that my mom has myodysplasia and that its prognosis is only 3 yrs -- and that my mom is in the hospital becasue of a mass in her right lung and one is starting in the otehr lung. She told me that it would be a good idea to see my mom now.(I was aggrivated -- since I only found this out after three years).
So, after getting some money, I drove to PA.
Only after I drive to PA did we finally find out a few things: I found out all about the stuff going on by having a meeting with the dr on call at the hospital while she was there -- they cannot do anything for the masses in her lungs (right one is 40% and the other one is starting) -- she will ahve days where oxygetn gets to her body and mind-- other days she will be out of it and cannot get out of bed.
they cannot do anything for the lungs becasue of the myodysplasia -- they cannot open her because she will bleed to death.
some days she will be on top of things -- other days it will be like she has no clue - and will get aggrivated easily or depressed since she cannot remember things.
And as far as the "code" or "no code" thing-- in front of the DR she told us she wants to fight (later - when the DR was ouotside the room, he said that she doesnt realize that bringing her back all the time will cause her to be in agony (she is soo frail that they might break ribs/bones and make the rest of that time agony for her)
I told her " Whatever you feel is fine by me"
The very next day, she asks me "Ed, am I dying?"
It is only a matter of time - that much we do know.
Anyways, I had a talk with my little brother (he is 18 -- and in july he will be 19) and we had a serious talk about it.
Oh yeah: while I was getting ready to post this -- the site went down for maintenance -- look waht page came up instead:
http://suicidegirls.com/maint/
I did try to attend an event: the mother's day massacre. People could see that I was not comfortable there (I did try though, but I could only get soo many beers. And I did go outside a lot (and at one instance I almost ended up in a bad situation via a homeless person telling me he was desperate and didn't know what he was going to do (acting as if he was possibly going to get violent - of which I do not really need) ). ) That day wore me out lots.
**I am not looking for people's sympathy - I jsut mention it because I wanted ppl to know that I did try -- but with it being too crowded and hot and stuffy, it doesnt do well with me.
(I know some ppl want me to go to lots of events - but please understand. And I am not looking for sympathy - K)
Memorial day weekend I spent driving to PA: My mom has been in a nursing home since 2003 - and the only diagnosis I (as well as my little brother, his g/f and her family) knew was that my mom had pre-lukemia.
Before the weekend started I got a call from the oldest brother telling me this and that- and well, he was upset- and he caused my lil bro's g/f's mom to become hysterical. Then I called the nursing home and found out via the nurse that my mom has myodysplasia and that its prognosis is only 3 yrs -- and that my mom is in the hospital becasue of a mass in her right lung and one is starting in the otehr lung. She told me that it would be a good idea to see my mom now.(I was aggrivated -- since I only found this out after three years).
So, after getting some money, I drove to PA.
Only after I drive to PA did we finally find out a few things: I found out all about the stuff going on by having a meeting with the dr on call at the hospital while she was there -- they cannot do anything for the masses in her lungs (right one is 40% and the other one is starting) -- she will ahve days where oxygetn gets to her body and mind-- other days she will be out of it and cannot get out of bed.
they cannot do anything for the lungs becasue of the myodysplasia -- they cannot open her because she will bleed to death.
some days she will be on top of things -- other days it will be like she has no clue - and will get aggrivated easily or depressed since she cannot remember things.
And as far as the "code" or "no code" thing-- in front of the DR she told us she wants to fight (later - when the DR was ouotside the room, he said that she doesnt realize that bringing her back all the time will cause her to be in agony (she is soo frail that they might break ribs/bones and make the rest of that time agony for her)
I told her " Whatever you feel is fine by me"
The very next day, she asks me "Ed, am I dying?"
It is only a matter of time - that much we do know.
Anyways, I had a talk with my little brother (he is 18 -- and in july he will be 19) and we had a serious talk about it.
Oh yeah: while I was getting ready to post this -- the site went down for maintenance -- look waht page came up instead:
http://suicidegirls.com/maint/
punknitemike:
it was good seeing you at mother's day massacre! my thoughts and prayers are with your mom!