We had to take my grandmother to the hospital yesterday. She hasn't been feeling well, but yesterday afternoon she blacked out twice. We still do not know what is wrong with her. While I don't like to see her in pain or suffering, I do not have a lot of sympathy for her. She told me shortly after my father died, that he wasn't a very good dad. After my uncle died she sent a card to my cousin that said, "I'm sorry your dad died, but let's be honest he was an asshole." So she really has no one left who loves her in any sort of truly caring way. I feel guilty, but my only concern is how her dying (or even being in the hospital for a prolonged period) will affect my mother. This is my mom's mother and while there is no love lost between them my mom has become her defacto care taker. My grandmother has lived with my family since I can remember, and ironically all because my father refused to throw her out because he knew she had no where else to go.
Being in hospitals again is something I do not like. I am so happy my father was allowed to die at home. The anniversary of his passing is only eight (well almost seven given the time right now) days away. It's only been three years, but so much has changed so much has happened and I miss him so dearly. Sometimes I would give anything, even my own life, for him to still be living and for him to be there for my mom.
I hate November.
