lokischild

i was going to talk about what a great night i had last night, and how it's been one of the first really good nights in a long time......
i was going to talk about the concert and the pit and the sweat and the energy.......
until about 10 minutes ago
i guess i've been expecting it for awhile....
i guess i should be grateful for the happiness he gave me.....
he finally realized that he deserves better than me, but somehow i expected something different.....i expected that he would have the respect for me that i have for him.....i expected him to be a better person than i thought he was.....and when he wasn't i was hurt, so i lashed out at him in anger that anyone could hurt me so badly.....and i was wrong to do that......and because of my action....i've completely lost any part of him that i could connect to with him.....he has completely shut himself down to me and i don't think i'll ever get him back.....and i hate myself for that and i can't trust him anymore and i want him back so desparately but it will never happen.......