lokischild

Listening to Flogging Molly
I no longer have words for how I feel....they have run out and left me wanting....I can feel them slipping through my fingers and none of the words are right...they all have the wrong shape....the wrong sound...
Today was a bad day....I stayed in bed until 2 because I knew what kind of day it was as soon as I opened my eyes....there was no point in me making it longer....even Barnes and Nobles failed to put me in a better mood....all day I felt like I had just finished crying....and like I was about to cry again....I hate the legacy that was given to me along with my mother's eyes and my father's nose.....
I hate cleaning up after everyone else....it's not my mess, it never is....but somehow its my job to clean it up.....
The self-control I have is formidable....but I wonder if it's even worth it to restrain from drawing the blood that relaxes me....the pain that reminds me that I am still alive...or from pulling the bottle of jack out of the cabinet and drinking the bottle tonight......I miss the easy availability of pain killers....my prescription for myself tonight would be 1/2 oxycodone, 2 hydrocodone, 2 percocet, 1 valium, 1 bowl/weed, and 2 shots jack daniels in coke.....all spread out over the night of course...I wouldn't want to be puking my redemption into the toilet....
-=squish=-