lizzymizzery

my first blog entry. imagine that. i suppose i should talk about my day.

today i woke up to bright light and blairing music, and a horrible ache in my head from four hours of sitting in my hot tub last night and overzealously consuming four bottles of wine with some friends. my roomate was up bright and early cooking breakfast and all i could smell was the salty greasy smell of bacon, and as much as i wished i could eat, it made me want to toss up.

so i skipped it. once i had managed to crawl out of bed and throw an old hoodie and some shorts on, i got in my car, and drove to the fetish club to pick up the footage from the other nights show, and then went to the half- erected medical clinic being built to pick up some plywood so i can finally begin renovating my basement.

while i was waiting for the construction workers to get their act together and figure out how much they could give me i decided to wander, and explore. there were rooms with open squares where doors and windows should be, floor that dropped down into cement shafts, ladders, and the smell of dust and wood chips.

i discovered a perfect place to sit and think while i was there. it was an impossibly black underground parking lot... so it was pretty much like this cement shaft with no lights, or windows, or doors other than the main opening. so being the adventurous cat that i am, i wandered in.

i soon realized just how impossibly deep this parking lot goes. i hate people. busy surroundings. stressful environments. most of the time anyway, they put me on edge slightly and i have like.... this ridiculous sensory overload and go a.d.d. occasionally and people think im a nut. anyway, so i began to walk... and walk... i could hear the voices of the workers fading. watched the reaches of light fading with my footsteps. the banging, ringing noises fading as i walked blindly deeper and deeper, relying only on my sense of touch and hearing to guide me for i was completely at a loss of my eyesight... around in circles until i finally reached the bottom about ten minutes later.

it was perfectly black, and i could hear nothing. nothing. despite the ground beneath me where i sat, it felt as if nothing existed. it was wonderful. i sat and pondered. focussed. simply lost in the fact that my existence at that very moment was so questionable as i sat unmoving in the abysmal space deep below the work sight. it was beautiful. i had never been so relaxed. removed from the world. people find it strange that i take comfort in nothingness... that i can sit so comfortably alone and blind in the pitch black, but down there, i had nothing but my own conscience.