You know what? i don't miss that.
So i've been fed up with the boy. I really REALLY need to withdraw. he's like a drug.. i want to say no but i say yes everytime and almost always end up hurt or just feeling really shitty. especially after these past two days. if you know my dad's gone, why not stay? Why not bring the boys by? i like them better than him anyway. idiot. don't come over at two in the fucking morning and then GO HOME and not spend the night when you KNOW that i had you come over because i hate being alone at night. that's how it's always been sincei met him--dad's gone, he comes for the night. but you know what? enough about him. he can go fuck himself. i'm done being used. i'm done with heartbreak from someone i'm not even "dating" and that refuses to commit. i've done this before with a real relationship.. and i promised myself not again.
so here goes nothing.
AND the other asshole is the one that tells me he's staying away to work for the weekend, and i read myspace of one of my friends and they're hanging out this weekend. Why the hell does he go out with all my friends but me and tell me he still likes me since high school? FUCK THAT SHIT. And they're both briannas. HAH. they can screw off too. but oh god he's gorgeous. i can't let that get to me. i talked to him and he really is working this weekend but still.
they're numbers are gone.
so what brought about all this erasing?
I got chinese food for breakfast/lunch yesterday and of course, i ate fortune cookies (best part lol). All three of them had the same fortune: Discover the power within yourself.
So that's what I'm doing. I started swimming today (thanks to the psycho ex's mom, who has still kept me on their account for some reason. they got new cards that have access to all the different gyms, one with a pool. she gave it to dan and told him i could use it if i wanted. i really have no clue why.. shouldn't she hate me?). It was so empowering. I'd forgotten how powerful the water is on me. It's my muse. It's my relaxer. It's my exercise. It's my mental health. swimming is such a beautiful thing to me. i can think and clear my head and decide and study and just chill and Be. golly i missed it. i prayed almost the entire time i was in the water.. all 45 minutes. i'm so glad i can do it again... i think i'm gonna get in the pool every day before school. go back to the old me and exercise and get energy and high from it, then go to class, and be just happier in general. Yeah, sounds good. I'm over being stressd out over life.
i hope i can do this...
no.
i CAN do this.
So i've been fed up with the boy. I really REALLY need to withdraw. he's like a drug.. i want to say no but i say yes everytime and almost always end up hurt or just feeling really shitty. especially after these past two days. if you know my dad's gone, why not stay? Why not bring the boys by? i like them better than him anyway. idiot. don't come over at two in the fucking morning and then GO HOME and not spend the night when you KNOW that i had you come over because i hate being alone at night. that's how it's always been sincei met him--dad's gone, he comes for the night. but you know what? enough about him. he can go fuck himself. i'm done being used. i'm done with heartbreak from someone i'm not even "dating" and that refuses to commit. i've done this before with a real relationship.. and i promised myself not again.
so here goes nothing.
AND the other asshole is the one that tells me he's staying away to work for the weekend, and i read myspace of one of my friends and they're hanging out this weekend. Why the hell does he go out with all my friends but me and tell me he still likes me since high school? FUCK THAT SHIT. And they're both briannas. HAH. they can screw off too. but oh god he's gorgeous. i can't let that get to me. i talked to him and he really is working this weekend but still.
they're numbers are gone.
so what brought about all this erasing?
I got chinese food for breakfast/lunch yesterday and of course, i ate fortune cookies (best part lol). All three of them had the same fortune: Discover the power within yourself.
So that's what I'm doing. I started swimming today (thanks to the psycho ex's mom, who has still kept me on their account for some reason. they got new cards that have access to all the different gyms, one with a pool. she gave it to dan and told him i could use it if i wanted. i really have no clue why.. shouldn't she hate me?). It was so empowering. I'd forgotten how powerful the water is on me. It's my muse. It's my relaxer. It's my exercise. It's my mental health. swimming is such a beautiful thing to me. i can think and clear my head and decide and study and just chill and Be. golly i missed it. i prayed almost the entire time i was in the water.. all 45 minutes. i'm so glad i can do it again... i think i'm gonna get in the pool every day before school. go back to the old me and exercise and get energy and high from it, then go to class, and be just happier in general. Yeah, sounds good. I'm over being stressd out over life.
i hope i can do this...
no.
i CAN do this.
Anyways, you can't have the steak... without the beej.
With my ex, when we would go out for dinner, on occasion, it wold end up a bit heavy, and she would not be interested in sex at all. I still spent the night. Aisha is asleep in the next room, and will not wake up until it is time for her to get ready to go to work. No reason for me to join her; I could go across the street to the bars and drink, except for I gave up alcohol for Lent, and I like to sleep with women. Eating and sleeping together builds intimacy, even if there is nothing physical involved.
It sounds as if you have the taken the first steps to getting out of that.
As to the "gorgeous" guy, remember that you are gorgeous, too, so he probably has nothing on you. He does not seem to be so bad, If you have the same friends, he may be difficult to get rid of, anyway.
If you like swimming, and it calms you, then do it. I would have no idea of where to swim here, but I do know where the ocean is. Aisha is aquaphobic.
Did you know there is a story about Elipses in the Filthy Dirty Smutty story group?