lizdean1990

So...
This weekend I got really PISSED at my step dad, and for one of the first times in my life I wished my relationship with my bio dad was better.

Okay, so, this whole week has been a complete blur. I've been pulling all nighters and finding all of this pent up energy to just get by with my regular daily schedule... this weekend was one for catching up on sleep. Well, Saturday night I wake up after taking a nap from like 6:30PM til 11:30 PM.. I walk into the kitchen to find something to eat. Well, I find, with no surprise, Tommy (my step dad) and his friend Ed (who doesn't live in the boro, but they went to HS together...) sitting at the kitchen table. Sitting still, drunk as ever. I walk to the counter and I find two bowls made out of beer cans (of course I know what they are, its not like I've never made one myself..). A bit surprised, I ask Tommy what they are, and he just sort of laughs awkwardly and says something that I can't hear due to their loud music. I roll my eyes and walk into Mom's bedroom, where she is laid up in bed watching SNL. I tell her about what I found, and she just sort of sighs and shakes her head. I ask her if she knows anything about it, and she tells me that they were (Tommy, Ed, and two of their friends John and Jamie) all over at Herbert's house (Tommy's brother) smoking a few bowls. I asked her if she participated, and she was just like 'god no!' I asked her if she was okay with it, and she just kind of shook her head and shrugged her shoulders, asking what could she say, that 'old hippies die hard'. She seemed annoyed with Tommy.. since they usually watch SNL together. I laid in the bed with her until she was asleep, and I walked back into the kitchen. After throwing away the first two bowls, Tommy gets caught by me making yet another one. I just shake my head as him and Ed slink upstairs with it. At this point I am so angry I am crying. I want to punch a hole in anything that will break, including his face. what made me even angrier was the fact that I couldn't even figure out why I was angry at him. He does all the things I do. Smoke, drink, smoke, drink. After sleeping very little I finally figure it all out...

Now, I am all for some pot and drinking. But not when it comes to my step dad. He's had a drinking problem for a number of years (being in his mid 50s' I'd say over half of his life), and a drug problem for about as long. From what I know, his drug usage was just the normal 60s' and 70s' stuff. pot and acid. That's whatever. They were the times.

For about a year or two now, my mom has confided in me several times telling me that she feels like she is raising her husband. He drinks til he's dead drunk (its never liquor, its always beer.. and he spends a good amount of money on it too.) and drives around... and its just bad. Of course, he's so used to it it doesn't even affect him. What I'm concerned about is how it affects my mother. I love that woman more than my life itself. That will never change. I think that's why I was so angry. She's already had two major broken relationships. One of which ended in the divorce of my dad, and the next a man leaving her for his former wife for no reason. And I really like Tommy. Aside from his drinking I've never had a problem with him. He is one of the sweetest men I've ever known, and aside from this he is good to mom. He even has a great family, who has welcomed Mom and me with open arms. I'm just scared that his constant drinking and occasional relapse in drugs will result in something tumultuous for either his life or Mom. She already has one child, she doesn't need another.