Fuck! Fuck the world is what I say. I feel so fucking lonely and pissed off! I hate life, I hate where I am, and I know I'm such a fucking whiner. Especially fuck my boyfriend whom I am living with who tells me I am annoying all the time. All I fucking need is someone to give me a hug b/c I am so lonely and fucked up right now and all that useless bastard does is jack off to porn and push me away every time I need him. I realize I have been using sex as a substitute for physical intimacy for four fucking years b/c he doesn't ever give it to me, and now I can't even get sex out of him.
But what do I do? I'm scared shitless of being alone. Scared shitless of life without him because I love him so much. Scared because five years of my life have been with him and I have never dated or been with anyone else, so I have no idea how the world works without him. Fucking scared because deep in my heart all I want is for him to give me a hug say "I love you hun and I would never trade you for anyone else in the world." Thinking about ending this relationship makes me miss him so bad I feel like vomitting.
Not only that, my psychologist says I do everything on impulse, so I need to refrain from doing anything big anymore b/c I am fucking up my life because I am just making horrible desicions based on impulses. So are these feelings another impulse?
Why do things have to be this way? I want my head to be normal. I am sick of feeling fucked up! Drs tell me it will take some time but I am so impatient that I feel I am fucking up the whole process worse.
Fuck me because all I do is whine, and maybe if I quit whining for five seconds my life wouldn't be so bad.
But what do I do? I'm scared shitless of being alone. Scared shitless of life without him because I love him so much. Scared because five years of my life have been with him and I have never dated or been with anyone else, so I have no idea how the world works without him. Fucking scared because deep in my heart all I want is for him to give me a hug say "I love you hun and I would never trade you for anyone else in the world." Thinking about ending this relationship makes me miss him so bad I feel like vomitting.
Not only that, my psychologist says I do everything on impulse, so I need to refrain from doing anything big anymore b/c I am fucking up my life because I am just making horrible desicions based on impulses. So are these feelings another impulse?
Why do things have to be this way? I want my head to be normal. I am sick of feeling fucked up! Drs tell me it will take some time but I am so impatient that I feel I am fucking up the whole process worse.
Fuck me because all I do is whine, and maybe if I quit whining for five seconds my life wouldn't be so bad.
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Aint Nothing to Reject About This!!!