livingoutloud

So I helped my former flame move out of our old house and into the bright shiny new townhome her family bought for her. It was good, it was weird, but it was also a bit of a pain in the ass.
I like working and I like physical labor. But I don't like being the only work-horse on the farm and thats what this move felt like. I was the 'butch' who took the heavy loads and found herself huffing it while the others took breaks. I was also the domestic grunt who spent an hour on her hands and knees scrubbing the porous porcelain bathtub back to its original sparkle. The others recognized that I was carrying most of the workload and I was thanked appropriately...but I still felt a lil bit huffy about the whole affair. Am I really that much stronger and faster than you, or are you just being a lazy lump? Am I really some sort of cleaning wonderkid or am I just the only one willing to get her hands dirty?
The same issue comes up at my day job too. This chick finally quit today because she wasn't getting the hours she needed. She was little put out with me over these last few weeks, because somehow my schedule found the hours she lost. Thing is, while her ass is sitting on the countertops bitching about her hours, I was the one stocking, scrubbing and prepping for the next shift. I wasn't 'given' your hours, I earned those bitches.

I like the thought of earning things, of deserving things. I think its why I'm in love with my scars and the little cuts and bruises I sometimes acquire...they are proof of that process. I think its also why I can sometimes showcase a large looming ego, but still be terrible at accepting compliments or praise or help.
I should probably work on that mess.