livingoutloud

I bought a pack of christmas cards today. That makes me feel very adult-like.

Also, after months and months of silence, I got a call from the one who broke my heart. Now, I am feeling very small - very cautious.
I knew this shit was gonna happen. The ghost of 'holidays past' swoops in with inquiring relatives and thought-triggering trinkets, kicking up the dust of abandoned memories. This is a dangerous time of year - people start evaulating just how far they've come in a year, they start counting up thier regrets, and looking over thier shoulders. They spook themselves with thier own sense of history - they rush into resolutions, declarations,and of course, late night phone calls.

And I'm working with a handicap up here - because I can be such a sucker. Sad eyes and a pout really can get you a long way with me - my pockets are stuffed with second chances.

So, now I'm working to keep my eyes forward. I can't afford to join in on "remembering us". I can't get distracted and I won't let myself grow so stagnant.