what can i say. i don't even know what to say. i am totally speechless. our sharehouse was informed this morning that one of our housemates committed suicide on tuesday nite. we only noticed that he hadn't been home this morning. we all thought it was strange that we didn't see him yesterday but as you do in share houses, you just assume they are at a friends. we all disappear for days without knowing where each other is.
so today we had a weird message on the home phone from one of his friends (we think) asking for him to call her and if he is alright and for his best friend to call her urgently. we rang his best friend...and she said "didn't you know...he committed suicide tuesday nite". we are all shell shocked and just can't believe it.
we all knew he was stressed and down but didn't think it to be this bad. he had bio-polar. i didn't know that until today. you wonder why you can be so blind and not see these things, but really you are just moving in your own life and really don't notice much about others. people also are very good at wearing their masks.
it is just heart breaking. i've only lived with him for a little while...but have dealt with him for many years through work. he was one of our "problem childs" in regard to extensions, however we all knew he was a great guy.
i saw this saying in his room today...
"those who know don't speak.
those who speak don't know"
i can't remember who it was by but thought it meaningful.
he did it the same way my step-brother did it a few years back. i've cried more for my housemate than i have for my step-brother. i just can't believe this. he thought we all hated him....but we didn't. i wish he knew we didn't. i know it was the disorder he had that made him think that but i just wish once i had said..."hey *insert name here* you are really great to live with".
this does not feel real....
he was 33
************************
Masks....do you ever notice that a lot of people that you know wear masks every day of their lives..? I wear one...each day. Why can't people accept everyone for who they really are...instead of hiding from the world. I am sick of hiding...sick of pretending but i know that if i take away my mask...that i would be criticised every waking moment of my life. If you do wear a mask...do you have anyone which has seen you without it...without the fakeness that you live everyday of your life..? or are you consumed by it....living fakeness each day....only at night finding salvation within the emptiness of yourself....
so today we had a weird message on the home phone from one of his friends (we think) asking for him to call her and if he is alright and for his best friend to call her urgently. we rang his best friend...and she said "didn't you know...he committed suicide tuesday nite". we are all shell shocked and just can't believe it.
we all knew he was stressed and down but didn't think it to be this bad. he had bio-polar. i didn't know that until today. you wonder why you can be so blind and not see these things, but really you are just moving in your own life and really don't notice much about others. people also are very good at wearing their masks.
it is just heart breaking. i've only lived with him for a little while...but have dealt with him for many years through work. he was one of our "problem childs" in regard to extensions, however we all knew he was a great guy.
i saw this saying in his room today...
"those who know don't speak.
those who speak don't know"
i can't remember who it was by but thought it meaningful.
he did it the same way my step-brother did it a few years back. i've cried more for my housemate than i have for my step-brother. i just can't believe this. he thought we all hated him....but we didn't. i wish he knew we didn't. i know it was the disorder he had that made him think that but i just wish once i had said..."hey *insert name here* you are really great to live with".
this does not feel real....
he was 33
************************
Masks....do you ever notice that a lot of people that you know wear masks every day of their lives..? I wear one...each day. Why can't people accept everyone for who they really are...instead of hiding from the world. I am sick of hiding...sick of pretending but i know that if i take away my mask...that i would be criticised every waking moment of my life. If you do wear a mask...do you have anyone which has seen you without it...without the fakeness that you live everyday of your life..? or are you consumed by it....living fakeness each day....only at night finding salvation within the emptiness of yourself....
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
i have seen a lot come and go in the last few years. but i still do not know what to say to the people who do feel the pain of others passing.
i think my mask would be blank and expressionless. just the way i "don't" feel at times. you are gorgeous and we (being i and all who agree with me) accept you as you are living or dead - Kirst
I went through this stage four months ago and gained help for it before it was to late.
And i had not reckonised the signs until i was feeling suicidalthat is my problem that i have to deal with but i can count on knowing there is a safe place for me.
you are a great person, think of the good in his life and remember those.