rage against the dying of the light
Current mood: bitchy
what has happened to me? i used to be a festering ball of rage, now i'm a sentimental, mopey, self-loathing wreck. whatever happened to the guy who wanted nothing more han to, as Rollins says, "fuck on the floor and break shit!" God it's like I've suddenly grown up. i guess my arrest was the first eye opener. then there was kristin, and lou's death then Andie. a lot has happened to me since high school. all that anger and rage and intensity i once had, it's faded. maybe i'm just jaded now, maybe I'm finally coming to terms with the fact i'm not a kid anymore. I mean this is not here i saw myself. i mean i didn't want to work in fast food my whole life, or retail. but this? whatever happened to my dreams of becoming a journalist? the harsh realization that you won't write for the NY post with an associates from a community college. same reason i gave up on my dreams of being a teacher. now i'm a broadcasting major and have the same problem. i'm stuck where i am.
i want my rage back. i want that intensity. i miss it. i long for it. i remember my old motto was "if all else fails, get pissed." then it turned into "if you always expect the worst, you'll never be disappointed." now it seems it's "life is that annoying thing that happens between nonexistence and death." i've come to accept the fact that i'm living a medicore mundane life. that's not fucking good enough. i want that sense of adventure i once had. that gusto and spark that made me an unstoppable force of nature. whatever i wanted i got. i WILL NOT lay down and die goddammit! i will fight to become all i was meant to be! i need to stop dwelling and start living. THIS IS MY LIFE AND I"M GONNA FUCKING LIVE IT TO THE HILT!!!!
they say we are masters of our own destiny. they say that with a little hard work and determination wwe can accomplish anything we put our minds to. I WILL NOT GIVE UP THE FUCKING STRUGGLE! I WILL NOT FALL INTO PLACE! i will make my presence known. i will be seen. i will be heard. i will be loved hated and feared. i will once again be...THE INCOMPARIBLE LEMUR!
actually i'll prolly just go cry myself to sleep. what else is new
Currently listening :
Deliverance
By Opeth
Release date: By 12 November, 2002