From bad to worse.
Left phone, car keys, apartment keys in coworker's car. This normally wouldn't have been a huge deal. I NEVER lock my apartment. Figured I could go home, sleep, figure my shit out the next morning. Well..................this was the ONE time that I locked my apartment. No phone to get numbers out of. Don't know the people that live in my 'hood well enough to just show up at their house. Walked 7 miles to another friend's house at 3AM to ask if I could crash on her sofa. Freezing...no jacket....just short skirt and boots.
The girl I went out with got into argument with a dear friend of mine. She made him so angry that the last thing I heard was "Fuck You" and saw him walking towards back of bar. I rushed over bought a beer and gave it to her, and said go find him, give this to him and apologize. 15 mins later she did not come back. I ran to back of bar to find them. Door guy grabbed me and asked if I was looking for XXXXX. He pointed her out. I asked where *SC* was and door guy told me that he left. That he stormed out and went home. I am humiliated by the situation. I am going to have to write him an apology letter on facebook. Wouldn't normally be buggin' but this will be the second letter I've written this week (one from the Monday night trainwreck). I shouldn't care, but this guy is a really good person. I like and respect him a lot. In fact, I am starting to think that I REALLY like him.
I'm over it all. I'm done. No more drinking, no more bars, no more girlfriends, no more. I've lived this last year like a rock star and a groupie. My life has consisted of sex, drugs, and rock shows. It's been very fun.......very fun, but I can't live like that anymore. I have way too many good things going on in my life and I'm starting to ruin them.
I'm the type of person that....thrives in chaos. If my life seems to be going swimmingly, then I start waiting to the rug to get pulled from underneath me. When that doesn't happen I become self-destructive. This is not a good thing. Maybe it was acceptable when I was in my late teens/early 20s, but not anymore. I have to grow up at some point. I've reached the tipping point.
I had a long conversation with my BFF today. I told her that I was on the verge of a breakdown and joked that I needed to check myself into Pine Grove. *I've been going to eating disorders anonymous since October...I haven't been in about a few weeks, bc of holidays and whatnot...but I plan on going back this week* BFF tells me that right after the EDA meeting, that three rooms down is the AA meeting. She said that she would go with me this week. I'm really hopeful. Now, I don't plan on stopping drinking all together forever, but right now I need to get my affairs in order and if I have to stop right now until I can do that....I'm willing.
I've been unstable and on the verge of collapse for a few weeks now, but after Monday night I started to realize that I've become a problem....and this weekend just reaffirmed that for me. I've hit the wall. I'm done.
It's a new year, and I need to start anew.
Today's Playlist
(short b/c after recovering keys I slept all day)
Sweet Love for Planet Earth - Fuck Buttons
Take Me to the Riot - Stars
Silver Lining - Rilo Kiley
Too Excited - Tilly and the Wall
Left phone, car keys, apartment keys in coworker's car. This normally wouldn't have been a huge deal. I NEVER lock my apartment. Figured I could go home, sleep, figure my shit out the next morning. Well..................this was the ONE time that I locked my apartment. No phone to get numbers out of. Don't know the people that live in my 'hood well enough to just show up at their house. Walked 7 miles to another friend's house at 3AM to ask if I could crash on her sofa. Freezing...no jacket....just short skirt and boots.
The girl I went out with got into argument with a dear friend of mine. She made him so angry that the last thing I heard was "Fuck You" and saw him walking towards back of bar. I rushed over bought a beer and gave it to her, and said go find him, give this to him and apologize. 15 mins later she did not come back. I ran to back of bar to find them. Door guy grabbed me and asked if I was looking for XXXXX. He pointed her out. I asked where *SC* was and door guy told me that he left. That he stormed out and went home. I am humiliated by the situation. I am going to have to write him an apology letter on facebook. Wouldn't normally be buggin' but this will be the second letter I've written this week (one from the Monday night trainwreck). I shouldn't care, but this guy is a really good person. I like and respect him a lot. In fact, I am starting to think that I REALLY like him.
I'm over it all. I'm done. No more drinking, no more bars, no more girlfriends, no more. I've lived this last year like a rock star and a groupie. My life has consisted of sex, drugs, and rock shows. It's been very fun.......very fun, but I can't live like that anymore. I have way too many good things going on in my life and I'm starting to ruin them.
I'm the type of person that....thrives in chaos. If my life seems to be going swimmingly, then I start waiting to the rug to get pulled from underneath me. When that doesn't happen I become self-destructive. This is not a good thing. Maybe it was acceptable when I was in my late teens/early 20s, but not anymore. I have to grow up at some point. I've reached the tipping point.
I had a long conversation with my BFF today. I told her that I was on the verge of a breakdown and joked that I needed to check myself into Pine Grove. *I've been going to eating disorders anonymous since October...I haven't been in about a few weeks, bc of holidays and whatnot...but I plan on going back this week* BFF tells me that right after the EDA meeting, that three rooms down is the AA meeting. She said that she would go with me this week. I'm really hopeful. Now, I don't plan on stopping drinking all together forever, but right now I need to get my affairs in order and if I have to stop right now until I can do that....I'm willing.
I've been unstable and on the verge of collapse for a few weeks now, but after Monday night I started to realize that I've become a problem....and this weekend just reaffirmed that for me. I've hit the wall. I'm done.
It's a new year, and I need to start anew.
Today's Playlist
(short b/c after recovering keys I slept all day)
Sweet Love for Planet Earth - Fuck Buttons
Take Me to the Riot - Stars
Silver Lining - Rilo Kiley
Too Excited - Tilly and the Wall
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
poor girl!
Dreamland is good... Archibald's in Northport is the best!