littlegirllost

There's nothing for me here anymore. I cringe when I type that tired-out line. I'm sick of the fully stocked refrigerator and the devastatingly quiet dishwashing machine. The soft carpet. Remote controls. The things I'll miss when I'm gone, but never would admit. Can't admit. Because I'm building myself as something different this time around.
"You are the most self-reliant woman I've ever met." He said that once. Which makes it unalterably true. I will become the woman he thought I already was. How many times did I Iook up at him with that trusting, adoring gaze? What must he have thought when he realized that he was my biggest weakness? From the first moment. That first cocked eyebrow drew me in.
I must prove myself to myself. I will draw strength from every corner. Three weeks ago I couldn't get out of bed without collapsing in tears. And now the Great Freight Adventure awaits. I thought I was done traveling like this, ready to get respectable and make the "important decisions in life." Turns out the most important decisions of all are made for us.
So...I'm going to enjoy this ride. The freedom of living outside the rules RULES. And fear, my constant traveling companion? I'll leave her on the tracks somewhere, poor thing. I bet it's a hard life, being a phantom.