Sometimes the night terrors come back, praying on my deepest insecurities. Always at 4 am. Always. Now i lay awake. Afraid to fall back asleep and see those horrible things once more. For when i have a night terror, i not only see things that upset me, i also feel them. I continue to feel it as i wake up, and for sometime after. Just like it were real. And the thing sbout bad dreams, about late night emotions and about middle of the night fear; you are completely alone. There may be others home or even in your bed, but you are still alone. They cannot help you with what you are feeling. I feel like a child, shutting my eyes and repeating "it isn't real, it isn't real." But the monsters are in my head, and you can't hide from those. The fear is real, the emotion is real and no amount of hiding under the covers makes those mosters go away. Distraction is key, distract myself until my insomnia meds overwhelm me and i have no choice but to succumb to them. Now i am convincing myself its all a dream, that he loves me and those things i see are all made up.
But now sleep is calling,
Sweet dreams everyone 🌙
