listennow1

well fuck me this has been a day of ups and downs. Work was awesome, I did real well everything went smoothly and have a laugh with the guys there (despite being wound up a treat) it's getting to the point where i feel some of them want to have genuine conversations rather than just dicking about but don't know how to talk seriously about stuff. so everything has to be a joke. which isn't so bad, just goes to show they've got some growing up to do.

then since coming home my mood has just gone to shit. spoke a bit to that girl but she was in one of her really not interested moods. she seems to change her attitude to me all the times. somtimes she'll ring me and be on the phone all day, other times ill get bare minimum responses to text and she'll be really quiet on the phone. I just don't get it. I don't know whether I should even try and still talk to her, its just stop and give some distance. The day after she says she doesn't want anything to happen she's ringing me up late at night saying she wishes i was there with her. that doesn't seem like consistant behaviour to me.

I was fine being single before this. It's been ages since I've met someone who I think I could be with, that I liked in that way. now this happens and it's made me want all that relationship stuff which i didn't want before. but now i can't have it with her. and who knows well i'll find someone else i do. The only other people I could imagine seeing, one lives in portsmouth and will be moving to holland in the summer, and the other lives in california. so they're not really going to happen.

By the way im ranting in my blog because i think i've already bored my few friends i can talk to about this to death. i kept going on and they kept warning me but i kind of ignored them knowing that this would happen as well. but still kept on going. what an idiot.

I can't think of any applicable song for right now to be honest. but im going to try and think of one just to carry on the tradition. Although if you've read this whole blog i apologise for moaning at you. i think i might try and pick something upbeat to make it seem like i'm not a total black hole of doom. but then i came across this on youtube and thought fuck it. i'll put this



this is probably the longest blog i've written on here. i'm hoping the experience of writing all this out will help. if it doesn't. well it's one way to kill some time isn't it.