This blog's going to be quite self-obsessed and miserable so i'll spoiler it for people who don't want to know or are in a good mood.
SPOILERS! (Click to view) so basically i'm on a downer at the moment. i'm stuck in a rut of doing nothing and i don't really feel like i have anyone to talk to about it. These past 12 months have probably been the lonliest of my life. Most of my mates were off on work placements, after i failed to get one. And I was living away from my other friends who weren't on placements. Now I am living with my best friend but she is hardly ever in now and works in a bar and so has loads of new friends to go out with. My other good friend has also had a job in a club and all she ever talks about is what goes on there; people and events that i don't know, which makes having a conversation with her very difficult. So what generally happens is i spend my days alone in the house. It's really getting to me now, and I have no motivation to really do anything. I've been trying to get a job but getting nowhere, which then adds to this and makes me not want to bother to even try because i know they'll be nothing for me.
I don't want to tell my friends this because I don't want it to seem like a guilt trip. I can't expect them to include me in all the new parts of their lives just because I don't have that. And the reason for that is mostly my fault, i'm aware of this. But that just makes it worse really because it is my fault. But i don't have the energy of motivation to try and do anything about it. Since finishing uni i have no structure in my life, which is something i've always had and so now i just don't know what to do with myself. So i'm doing nothing. It gets to the point where even playing on my wii seems like too much effort, and I haven't played guitar in months. And thinking about all of this is getting me down. When i tell my friend oh i did fuck all today, she says i'm lucky, she has no idea how much i want to be busy and have things to do. She can't understand how doing nothing is a bad thing. Her lack of ability to listen and put herself in other people's shoes really pisses me when thats basically all I do when i talk to her.
I think i'll leave it there for now, i both appreciate and apologise to you if you read all that
I love Garden state. I've just watched it again tonight and it fits my mood. i've seen it so many times. There's some bits of writing and direction I don't like but generally i think its brilliant. Mostly for the tone and mood. Plus its now got my listening to simon and garfunkel on spotify which is no bad thing. 
