I don't know since when SuisideGirls became a place for me to express my feelings.. But still, only here I feel comfortable for this... 📝

To be honest, I didn’t even think that moving to a new country could affect me so hard...

When I came here, I was alone, with new goals and plans, I felt like I was back "home".. And it seems ... I still feel the same way .. but for some reason it is a little sadness and apathy. In general, I even understand why this is happening.

🏟️ In Russia, I had a large gym near my house, my favorite apartment on the 17th floor, where I lived, my ex boyfriend and our wonderful Siberian peach cat. It was my own little family. I lived in a city that was close to my heart. I had money, I had enough of it for all my desires. My friends were nearby and I could visit them from time to time. My family, my mother were in Russia, and I could just fly to them in a couple of hours ..

And now... it's all turned upside down and I'm starting to build it all over again. Collect bit by bit.

And of course, it unsettled me.. I got a little sick. I got 5-6 kilograms fat ... It's hard for me to admit it. 😔 I started overeating again and it's not always easy to deal with... My mom got sick and was in the hospital for a while and I was here in another country and felt so helpless.

And the most unpleasant thing is to realize that you are tired of being strong or just can't cope (especially when you always showed the image of a strong person). 😖 I'm still trying to make myself feel better, of course, but that doesn't always come out that easily either.

I don't like to complain, and usually when something happens, I just withdraw into myself, but sometimes it is useful to speak out about my feelings, which is why I decided to do it here.

I know that everything that happens to me is not a big tragedy. I know that sooner or later everything will be fine again and I will get out of this state. But for now, everything is as it is.

Thank you for reading this text. Now you know a little more about me.

🙏 And I also want to add, if anything, then do not worry about me, I can handle everything.