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what the hell

tripe in the form of me

i need to find my center. i need to get her out of my mind. i need to stop this fascination, this lovey-dovey infatuation which is repeat after me, unreciprocated. it goes unwanted. i go unwanted. and i want so bad it hurts. is this the way of the world or just the way of me. i dream too big for my britches, i burst at the seams, wanting to blurt out my intentions to the world. i ache for her, i dream of her and live for her. and it matters naught. i matter though. these words aren't wasted, just unremarkable. the same old shit, different new day. i try honesty and it is not enough. i am myself and it is not enough. one plus one equals i am not enough. i am tripe, i am shit, i am nothing. rinse and repeat after me. i need to scream and shout and dance about. i gotta find myself before i lose myself in loving her because i can. why do i do this? why can't i stop? i wish i had easy answers. i wish i wish for so much more than i am, than i deserve. i need to be, but i can't because of her. i need to cry and i can't because i just don't know. i need a destination, because right now i'm off the map.