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I want to be an old man with a porch and grandkids, though I know that having grandkids means at some point I'm going to have to get married to someone who will do more than just talk to me ; This is highly un-likely, because noone likes me (puts on think black non-perscription glasses).
I just want a remote control for my life, so I can fast forward, rewind and pause, It would be so much easier then. Bullshit ! I call it on most of things that happen around me, to me, and to those I concern my self with. Doing the correct thing in order to appease the mystical sense of socialital duty is far from difficult, its just boring; and if you have a distinct hate for being bored, then you are most likely in the same boat as me; dedicated to what you do, and hating every minute of it.
So my earlier journal entry was referring to my kissing a good friend of mine. The problem is that I have had and do have pretty serious fellings for this person; however, I am still a good friend, but to not stray to far from the point and go on a rant about my bi-polar attitute on relationships(errm). Anyways, yeah, so I kissed her and in a way that would say if it where a word "That I would really like this to be more", this not a good thing because I tend to feel better about things when I am honest about my emotions and very strait forward on how I will counter react to someones reactions to my honesty.
I'm in high school again, someone shoot me...
So I am going to go to a show tonight, take lots of pictures and maybe say and do more stupid things.
Far to often I lie awake at night and play back in my head to movies of my mistakes, I wish I didn't care, or better yet I wish I was confident enough to not be bothered.