limbictides

I was raised Catholic, and by eleven years old, I was calling Bullshit. I failed religion three years in a row, for my refusal to accept the crap they were feeding me. I had the remarkable ability to be a smartass, even at that age, and it wasn't popular with the powers that were. In the sixth grade, they told my parents I had ADD, and sent me in for a three day battery of phsychological tests to confirm their diagnosis. The institute they sent me to told my parents to pull me out of that school, and quick. Thus completed my utter loss in the belief of any sort of higher power. That only held any sway until a year or so later, when I decided that that idea didn't quite work either.

I feel my search has ended now, with no resolution, except that I still feel driven towards some kind of faith. It's not directed anywhere in particular, it's just there. Is it a remenant of my upbringing, or is it a drive we all possess to some degree? Sometimes I feel like the Universe is winking at me, or giving me a nod. Drugs, in the past, have given me glimpses into things I couldn't have previously imagined, and vague intuitions have pointed the way to decisions that have altered the course of my life drastically. I'm fuckin' lost.