The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car -- I forget what kind it was -- and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw fuck you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.
I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.
That was Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy....
\m/\m/
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw fuck you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.
I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.
That was Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy....
\m/\m/
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
bryn:
oh god. the bluntness. it always gets me in deep shit. its ok though. my friends know and accept that about me. its weird that the body part that is associated with sags are the legs. were not leggy creatures. were short. and squat. but fucking cute. have you ever read mists of avalon? im convinced that the dark little fairy people are a race of sagittarians: short, dark, gremlinish, with weird amounts of sexual attraction and kind of loopy.
bryn:
i actually seem to get along really well with water signs, oddly enough. i just know how to handle them. my whole family is made up of them. my dads a cancer, my mom a pisces, and my sister a scorpio. imagine a little free-spirit sag growing up like that. no. it was not fun. soooo.... of course i end up dating a lot of cancers because of the whole kill-your-mom-marry-your-dad complex [i have to swear off of them. theyre no good for me], and my best friend is a scorpio. they are so lovely, those little stinging arachnids. but i do love my fire babies. four of my really good friends are fires. an aries boy and girl and a sag boy and girl. i dont seem to work well with leos [they always end up being shady to me], and sometimes i want to kill those psychotic aries. but we always end up having so much fun. those damn twin air geminis figure in largely too. i found [through trial and error], that i can befriend them, but should avoid at all costs dating them, since all they do is push my buttons and provoke my fireful wrath. i end up burning them badly. i dont know too much about any of the other signs, except that pisces girls end up being my nemisis. theyre either supercool or INFUCKINGSANE, and most of the ones ive met are insane, including my mom. sorry about the dissertation. didnt mean to blather on like that.