It was past 10:00 am when I got up this morning. But I didn't get to bed till almost 2:00 am, so I guess that's not overdoing it on the sleep. I slept well, woke up a couple times but went back to sleep easily. Had dreams about Crass (the band) and being in some kind of commune, or in flight, living in a shed or garage with this beautiful young Suicide Girl - she was a petite blonde, based on the pics I viewed yesterday of Temper. I had a crush on her and was trying to protect us both from some lowlife men (gang members or drug dealers or something) who meant us harm. I am not sure where Crass came in but we were looking for a place to unload some fresh produce out of a truck and she parked around the corner from my old workplace at Ocean Beach People's Food. I can't remember much else...
Yesterday was a bust. I started practicing my instruments, then twenty minutes into my three-hour practice I started thinking "Oh, I shouldn't be doing this, I'm wasting my time here, I really need to focus on looking for a job," and so I went and got on the computer and looked at stuff and tried to figure out what to do next. I called one Trader Joe's where a friend said she saw a sign up saying they were hiring and it turns out they are not hiring but they are 'accepting applications.' Yeah, whatever. So I took the bus to a different Trader Joe's here in the city and got there and was told in a roundabout way that they aren't hiring and don't expect to be anytime soon. So I decided on the spot that it was not worth it me sitting there filling out another one of their stupid corporate applications like I've done half a dozen times before. I went to Trans:Thrive and lay down on the sofa there and listened to John Cale's Paris 1919 on my iPod for an hour before the support group started. Felt really depressed and went to the group and went home. Ate dinner. Went to the tobacco prayer circle in Berkeley, still feeling down. Prayed aloud about it. Felt somewhat better afterward. Came home and finished downloading this album I've been looking for for years that finally showed up on Soulseek. It's the rare first release by Nature And Organisation, a crude industrial music cassette that came out in 1986. I'm listening to it now and it is a far cry from the official debut Beauty Reaps The Blood Of Solitude that came out on World Serpent Durtro in 1994 (that latter album is one of my all-time favorites).
I'm not going to practice any music today. I am going to a drop-in support group at New Leaf to talk about my doubts about hormones and transitioning. Then I may go volunteer with the cats at the pound and go shopping at Rainbow Grocery where I wish I could get a job but where I will never be hired in a million years. I plan to rent a couple more Bela Tarr DVDs at Lost Weekend tonight since Wednesday is discount rental night.
That's all I have to say for now.
Yesterday was a bust. I started practicing my instruments, then twenty minutes into my three-hour practice I started thinking "Oh, I shouldn't be doing this, I'm wasting my time here, I really need to focus on looking for a job," and so I went and got on the computer and looked at stuff and tried to figure out what to do next. I called one Trader Joe's where a friend said she saw a sign up saying they were hiring and it turns out they are not hiring but they are 'accepting applications.' Yeah, whatever. So I took the bus to a different Trader Joe's here in the city and got there and was told in a roundabout way that they aren't hiring and don't expect to be anytime soon. So I decided on the spot that it was not worth it me sitting there filling out another one of their stupid corporate applications like I've done half a dozen times before. I went to Trans:Thrive and lay down on the sofa there and listened to John Cale's Paris 1919 on my iPod for an hour before the support group started. Felt really depressed and went to the group and went home. Ate dinner. Went to the tobacco prayer circle in Berkeley, still feeling down. Prayed aloud about it. Felt somewhat better afterward. Came home and finished downloading this album I've been looking for for years that finally showed up on Soulseek. It's the rare first release by Nature And Organisation, a crude industrial music cassette that came out in 1986. I'm listening to it now and it is a far cry from the official debut Beauty Reaps The Blood Of Solitude that came out on World Serpent Durtro in 1994 (that latter album is one of my all-time favorites).
I'm not going to practice any music today. I am going to a drop-in support group at New Leaf to talk about my doubts about hormones and transitioning. Then I may go volunteer with the cats at the pound and go shopping at Rainbow Grocery where I wish I could get a job but where I will never be hired in a million years. I plan to rent a couple more Bela Tarr DVDs at Lost Weekend tonight since Wednesday is discount rental night.
That's all I have to say for now.