There was a snafu yesterday (predictably) a the pharmacy when I went to pick up my hormones. The refill I phoned in for spironolactone was ready, but the doctor's faxed-in prescription for estradiol was nowhere to be found. The doctor faxed it to the wrong pharmacy. She corrected her mistake. I'm going to go pick up the medication today. I am going to have a little extra Premarin left over so I am upping my dose from two 1.25mg pills a day to three, for the next four days, just to use them up. Then I will start on the estradiol on Monday.
Today there is also a job search planning orientation at the LGBT Center for the TEEI program (that's Transgender Economic Empowerment Initiative). I am going to go to that. I don't feel I'm 'ready' for work yet, but it can't hurt to explore the options. I am very pessimistic about ever finding work again in this city, but I have to make the attempt.
I am feeling much better today, in terms of a lightening of the shame and guilt and anguish that has been consuming me this week. Apparently, my prayers to Wakan-Tanka & Tunkashila at the pipe circle have been answered. If I can hold the sadness in my heart for the creature whose life was lost at my hands, and withhold judgment against myself, I will be alright.
Last night I went to Lost Weekend Video and rented three early movies by Bela Tarr, and watched his first one called Family Nest. These are not works in his mature style, more social realist than philosophical/metaphysical. I can recognize the Fassbinder influence, certainly. I will watch the other two tonight and tomorrow night.
I woke this morning remembering a dream of taking a vacation in Hawaii with my family (all of us, Mom, Dad and sister). It was Sunday and I was due to leave on Monday or Tuesday and feeling anxious about that. Always that theme of trying to get away from my parents or my family. There was also some stuff in there about Leon Russell, and me smoking a big cigar that burned quickly.
Tonight I may go to the Luggage Store Gallery to hear Phillip Greenlief and some other music which my friend Polly has curated for her Full Moon concert series. Right now I am listening to an album I just downloaded by Sunn O))), their latest one called Monoliths & Dimensions. This is the most avant-garde sounding metal I've heard since some of Oxbow's recordings. I look forward to seeing Sunn O))) on Saturday, having won free tickets on the radio.
What I've really been getting into musically, though, is the newest album from Black To Comm, Charlemagne & Pippin. It is one of the most powerful and compelling drone works I've heard in quite a while.
Going to go check my email now...
Today there is also a job search planning orientation at the LGBT Center for the TEEI program (that's Transgender Economic Empowerment Initiative). I am going to go to that. I don't feel I'm 'ready' for work yet, but it can't hurt to explore the options. I am very pessimistic about ever finding work again in this city, but I have to make the attempt.
I am feeling much better today, in terms of a lightening of the shame and guilt and anguish that has been consuming me this week. Apparently, my prayers to Wakan-Tanka & Tunkashila at the pipe circle have been answered. If I can hold the sadness in my heart for the creature whose life was lost at my hands, and withhold judgment against myself, I will be alright.
Last night I went to Lost Weekend Video and rented three early movies by Bela Tarr, and watched his first one called Family Nest. These are not works in his mature style, more social realist than philosophical/metaphysical. I can recognize the Fassbinder influence, certainly. I will watch the other two tonight and tomorrow night.
I woke this morning remembering a dream of taking a vacation in Hawaii with my family (all of us, Mom, Dad and sister). It was Sunday and I was due to leave on Monday or Tuesday and feeling anxious about that. Always that theme of trying to get away from my parents or my family. There was also some stuff in there about Leon Russell, and me smoking a big cigar that burned quickly.
Tonight I may go to the Luggage Store Gallery to hear Phillip Greenlief and some other music which my friend Polly has curated for her Full Moon concert series. Right now I am listening to an album I just downloaded by Sunn O))), their latest one called Monoliths & Dimensions. This is the most avant-garde sounding metal I've heard since some of Oxbow's recordings. I look forward to seeing Sunn O))) on Saturday, having won free tickets on the radio.
What I've really been getting into musically, though, is the newest album from Black To Comm, Charlemagne & Pippin. It is one of the most powerful and compelling drone works I've heard in quite a while.
Going to go check my email now...