I went to bed kind of early last night and slept really well, feeling calm when I laid down, different than usual. I wonder if it's the hormones doing something for me? Got up early, and as usual felt like sleeping in longer.
Music practice. For the past three days I've been trying to do my instrument practice. A half-hour each on six different instruments (bass clarinet, two saxes, two flutes, and one of four recorders), totaling three hours a day. My practice routine used to consist of long tones, scales, modes and chords. I decided I was tired of those tedious mechanical exercises this time, and am instead just improvising freely on each horn for thirty minutes. And I am extremely bored with it. I don't want to keep doing this everyday. What can I do, if anything, to make practice more fun and interesting? I know it would make a big difference if I could afford to take lessons, and the teacher would give me exercises and assignments to work on. I could buy some basic instruction method books and go through those systematically, In fact, I already did that, I went through the beginner's and intermediate books for clarinet and flute and saxophone (this was years ago, I gave away the books when I was done). I could get some music books and try learning to play some jazz standards (most classical is too difficult for me, I suck pretty much when it comes to reading music). I have tried that before. Bacharach was too difficult. Or I get bored, or transposing the keys gets me confused. I need to do something different, or else just give up practicing. I really want to make music (recording, or trying to compose stuff) but that doesn't develop my technical abilities. I think what I really WANT to do is just get back into recording and CREATING MUSIC, not practicing. But I feel like I NEED to improve my abilities so I can go out and busk and MAYBE make some money. The way my playing is now, I feel ashamed to go out and noodle around in public and expect people to give me money for it. I would make better money if I could learn to play some jazz or classical tunes, but the process of learning them is too slow or too challenging or too boring, and I have trouble committing them to memory, so I need to bring sheet music and a music stand when I go out busking, and the wind blows the music away or blows the stand over (even when I practice in the BART station). I'm also a little afraid of busking with my very expensive and valuable instruments, like what if an accident occurs, or someone attacks me and damages an instrument? They're all insured, but it would be a heartbreaker to get one of my multi-thousand dollar horns busted up, because I took it out in a public place and a situation where things can happen... I guess what it comes down to is I AM JUST LAZY and music practice is hard work and if I don't wanna work at it then I will just have to accept that my technical abilities are going to suck. And I won't make any good money busking, and the music I create will rely on processing and editing and production to make up for my deficiencies as an instrumental player. I know it would be different if I could afford lessons though. I believe that having some DIRECTION from a qualified professional would be of great help. If I had the money, I would study with Cornelius Boots every week, $50 a lesson. There is no way I can afford that.
I hate being poor. Let me say it again. I HATE BEING POOR.
Dreams. My dream recall is too detailed and too involved to want to take the time to write all the stuff down that I remember dreaming each night. So I will just mention a couple scenes or narratives. One, I was watching them build a new skyscraper where the Twin Towers were, and they had the framework of it mostly erected. It occurred to me that it was built wrong somehow, and would better be knocked to the ground, completely razed. Somehow, just my thought influenced the construction workers to do just that, and they leveled the skeletal building, It fell over sideways, I watched in fear from a safe distance, thinking of how all the other people were getting killed in their homes and businesses when the building fell on them. I found myself in a home with my sister, and suddenly she was embracing me in the most disarming intimacy. I felt very surprised by this because I had never been or felt that close to her in my life. Pretty symbolic, I'd say... Another dream, I had absently put a stainless steel band on my left hand while I was taking a phone call at my job. It was a flexible band, with sharp points. I put it so the sharp ends were digging into my hand, not too painfully, and I left it there. I had it on my hand all day, and then I noticed that night that I had forgot and left it on my hand. When I took it off, there were puncture wounds and it bled from both points...
Kittens. After I do my *stupid practice* today I am going to the pound to volunteer with the kitties, and I am going to take home some foster care kittens if there are any that need to be taken home. I cannot adopt another cat due to my poverty, but I can do foster care since they would pay for any medical care and provide the food. The kittens need to be kept until they are two months old, then they can be spayed/neutered, and put up for adoption. It will be exciting to have some baby kitties in my home. The hard part will be not getting attached to them, when it comes time to return them to the pound...
Music practice. For the past three days I've been trying to do my instrument practice. A half-hour each on six different instruments (bass clarinet, two saxes, two flutes, and one of four recorders), totaling three hours a day. My practice routine used to consist of long tones, scales, modes and chords. I decided I was tired of those tedious mechanical exercises this time, and am instead just improvising freely on each horn for thirty minutes. And I am extremely bored with it. I don't want to keep doing this everyday. What can I do, if anything, to make practice more fun and interesting? I know it would make a big difference if I could afford to take lessons, and the teacher would give me exercises and assignments to work on. I could buy some basic instruction method books and go through those systematically, In fact, I already did that, I went through the beginner's and intermediate books for clarinet and flute and saxophone (this was years ago, I gave away the books when I was done). I could get some music books and try learning to play some jazz standards (most classical is too difficult for me, I suck pretty much when it comes to reading music). I have tried that before. Bacharach was too difficult. Or I get bored, or transposing the keys gets me confused. I need to do something different, or else just give up practicing. I really want to make music (recording, or trying to compose stuff) but that doesn't develop my technical abilities. I think what I really WANT to do is just get back into recording and CREATING MUSIC, not practicing. But I feel like I NEED to improve my abilities so I can go out and busk and MAYBE make some money. The way my playing is now, I feel ashamed to go out and noodle around in public and expect people to give me money for it. I would make better money if I could learn to play some jazz or classical tunes, but the process of learning them is too slow or too challenging or too boring, and I have trouble committing them to memory, so I need to bring sheet music and a music stand when I go out busking, and the wind blows the music away or blows the stand over (even when I practice in the BART station). I'm also a little afraid of busking with my very expensive and valuable instruments, like what if an accident occurs, or someone attacks me and damages an instrument? They're all insured, but it would be a heartbreaker to get one of my multi-thousand dollar horns busted up, because I took it out in a public place and a situation where things can happen... I guess what it comes down to is I AM JUST LAZY and music practice is hard work and if I don't wanna work at it then I will just have to accept that my technical abilities are going to suck. And I won't make any good money busking, and the music I create will rely on processing and editing and production to make up for my deficiencies as an instrumental player. I know it would be different if I could afford lessons though. I believe that having some DIRECTION from a qualified professional would be of great help. If I had the money, I would study with Cornelius Boots every week, $50 a lesson. There is no way I can afford that.
I hate being poor. Let me say it again. I HATE BEING POOR.
Dreams. My dream recall is too detailed and too involved to want to take the time to write all the stuff down that I remember dreaming each night. So I will just mention a couple scenes or narratives. One, I was watching them build a new skyscraper where the Twin Towers were, and they had the framework of it mostly erected. It occurred to me that it was built wrong somehow, and would better be knocked to the ground, completely razed. Somehow, just my thought influenced the construction workers to do just that, and they leveled the skeletal building, It fell over sideways, I watched in fear from a safe distance, thinking of how all the other people were getting killed in their homes and businesses when the building fell on them. I found myself in a home with my sister, and suddenly she was embracing me in the most disarming intimacy. I felt very surprised by this because I had never been or felt that close to her in my life. Pretty symbolic, I'd say... Another dream, I had absently put a stainless steel band on my left hand while I was taking a phone call at my job. It was a flexible band, with sharp points. I put it so the sharp ends were digging into my hand, not too painfully, and I left it there. I had it on my hand all day, and then I noticed that night that I had forgot and left it on my hand. When I took it off, there were puncture wounds and it bled from both points...
Kittens. After I do my *stupid practice* today I am going to the pound to volunteer with the kitties, and I am going to take home some foster care kittens if there are any that need to be taken home. I cannot adopt another cat due to my poverty, but I can do foster care since they would pay for any medical care and provide the food. The kittens need to be kept until they are two months old, then they can be spayed/neutered, and put up for adoption. It will be exciting to have some baby kitties in my home. The hard part will be not getting attached to them, when it comes time to return them to the pound...