So this week I am going back on the corporate pharmaceutical medication finally, for the first time since stopping Prozac at the end of 2007. I took 20mg of Cymbalta this morning and will take it for another five days to see how it feels. Then I plan to stop the Cymbalta and start the female hormones, assuming the doctor will write me a prescription for those tomorrow when I see her. I will want to see how the hormones affect my mood without being under the influence of any other drug, so that's why I will stop the Cymbalta. Then once I have stabilized on the hormones (assuming I like how they feel and want to continue taking them), I can decide if I need to add the antidepressant or not.
Right now I am feeling dismayed, anguished and annoyed. Yesterday I spent several hours painting my nails, which is ridiculous I know but I have such a hard time with this task, I mess up, have to keep touching up, applying multiple coats, etc, and waiting for them to dry in between coats. Today I decided I don't like the bright red color, so I am painting over them in black. But I have made a mess with the toenails and keep having to fix them. Then the fingernails. I can see another entire afternoon being sucked up in this silly process.
If I wasn't so goddamned fucking poor I would go to one of the half-dozen nail salons in my neighborhood and pay someone to do my nails. But I have no money. So I will spend hours and deal with the frustration of contending with my own ineptitude instead...
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I actually had a free manicure and polish job a few weeks ago when the students from a local cosmetology school came to give free makeovers to the MTFs during a transgender week here in the city. I wish I could afford to make a habit of it! But at least I learned how it's supposed to be done, and now it's just a matter of practicing it on my own.
One thing I absolutely cannot do on my own is apply false eyelashes. Fortunately that isn't something I feel compelled to wear every day at least...