So I have been unable to access this site all afternoon due to excessive traffic. Come on, SG, I just sent you $50 for a membership renewal, time to put that money to use by increasing your bandwidth limits over at your web host, I'd say. As it is, I am typing this blog into a text document and will post it up when I can succeed in logging in later today...
I went to bed at midnight last night, slept soundly and woke up around ten am, still felt tired so I went back to sleep and woke up again a little past noon, and got up (reluctantly) to start the day. I never used to sleep this late when I had a job and I wasn't so depressed (I'd even get up by eight or nine on my days off).
Today... Well, I posted a new personals ad up on Craigslist in the Miscellaneous Romance section (t4w or transgender seeking woman) after having deleted the last one I placed in Casual Encounters. I am going to face the truth of how I feel, and the truth is that I am never going to be satisfied with quick, casual, impersonal sex. I need a relationship... or at least a depth of acquaintance to allow for real intimacy. Anyway, the ad I posted is deliberately vague and seductive. Mystery and intrigue... read it here. At this point, I'd rather have no one respond to my ad than to have a bunch of responses from flakes and poseurs. Needless to say, any replies from men will be hastily deleted.
So, on the topic of the natural depression remedies... Today I am starting back on the tyrosine AND the tryptophan. Going to take two 500mg doses of each: a tyrosine capsule first thing in the morning and then another one around lunchtime. Tryptophan in the mid-afternoon and then again at bedtime. We'll see how this works for one week. Maybe increase the dosages of one or both next week. I guess I will finish off these two bottles, however long that may take me, and then at that point decide if any of this stuff is really helping me or not, and if I want to spend the money on it. I still haven't tried the SAM-E that the author of the book (THE MOOD CURE) suggested as an alternate to tyrosine, but I can't afford to buy any of that now. That's another thing, I'm so damned broke. I paid my rent for next month, and I have about $60 in the bank but I will need that to pay my credit card, and I'm left with less than $10 in cash. And $35 in food stamps, thankfully, so I can eat for the next ten days.
Two things I've got to try to do this week: one is a MUST and the other is more of a KEEP TRYING. What I must do is get to work on the mastering job I promised I'd do for my friend who paid me $50 to 'master' his latest CD (FYI, I am most definitely NOT a qualified audio mastering engineer, but if Craig seems to think I am, and he wants to pay me to help him out, then I won't say no). I told him I'd have it done by the end of June (or by next Monday at the very latest), so I've got to follow through with this. I hate myself when I flake out and let people down (because I know how bad I tend to feel when people do the same to me). The other thing I've got to do (which might help with getting the first thing done) is to STOP WASTING SO MUCH TIME ON FACEBOOK: posting comments, following useless status updates, sharing links and all the stuff that I can do for hours, accomplishing nothing of merit or substance. I'm going to start by only posting stuff to my profile, and not viewing or commenting on anyone else's posts.
Lastly, here is the song of the day: "Where The Hell Did I Go Wrong?"...
I went to bed at midnight last night, slept soundly and woke up around ten am, still felt tired so I went back to sleep and woke up again a little past noon, and got up (reluctantly) to start the day. I never used to sleep this late when I had a job and I wasn't so depressed (I'd even get up by eight or nine on my days off).
Today... Well, I posted a new personals ad up on Craigslist in the Miscellaneous Romance section (t4w or transgender seeking woman) after having deleted the last one I placed in Casual Encounters. I am going to face the truth of how I feel, and the truth is that I am never going to be satisfied with quick, casual, impersonal sex. I need a relationship... or at least a depth of acquaintance to allow for real intimacy. Anyway, the ad I posted is deliberately vague and seductive. Mystery and intrigue... read it here. At this point, I'd rather have no one respond to my ad than to have a bunch of responses from flakes and poseurs. Needless to say, any replies from men will be hastily deleted.
So, on the topic of the natural depression remedies... Today I am starting back on the tyrosine AND the tryptophan. Going to take two 500mg doses of each: a tyrosine capsule first thing in the morning and then another one around lunchtime. Tryptophan in the mid-afternoon and then again at bedtime. We'll see how this works for one week. Maybe increase the dosages of one or both next week. I guess I will finish off these two bottles, however long that may take me, and then at that point decide if any of this stuff is really helping me or not, and if I want to spend the money on it. I still haven't tried the SAM-E that the author of the book (THE MOOD CURE) suggested as an alternate to tyrosine, but I can't afford to buy any of that now. That's another thing, I'm so damned broke. I paid my rent for next month, and I have about $60 in the bank but I will need that to pay my credit card, and I'm left with less than $10 in cash. And $35 in food stamps, thankfully, so I can eat for the next ten days.
Two things I've got to try to do this week: one is a MUST and the other is more of a KEEP TRYING. What I must do is get to work on the mastering job I promised I'd do for my friend who paid me $50 to 'master' his latest CD (FYI, I am most definitely NOT a qualified audio mastering engineer, but if Craig seems to think I am, and he wants to pay me to help him out, then I won't say no). I told him I'd have it done by the end of June (or by next Monday at the very latest), so I've got to follow through with this. I hate myself when I flake out and let people down (because I know how bad I tend to feel when people do the same to me). The other thing I've got to do (which might help with getting the first thing done) is to STOP WASTING SO MUCH TIME ON FACEBOOK: posting comments, following useless status updates, sharing links and all the stuff that I can do for hours, accomplishing nothing of merit or substance. I'm going to start by only posting stuff to my profile, and not viewing or commenting on anyone else's posts.
Lastly, here is the song of the day: "Where The Hell Did I Go Wrong?"...
One dream was about going to some shopping center in the middle of the night with my family in a car, having to deliver something to a department store where my Dad supposedly worked after it had closed at midnight and trying to find a way to get them to let me in. And there was something about taking out all my recorders after not playing them in so long, and finding the joints had gotten loose and they all needed recorking. The feeling I got was that it is time for me to take my wind instruments out of their cases and start playing again.
Another dream concerned some very beautiful young women (models, strippers, hookers? I'm not sure), one of whom wanted to enter into a study with me, researching some pagan tradition I cannot recall now. She had books and she believed that I would be someone who could comprehend and benefit by reading them and by discussing the teachings with her. It felt like a sexual experience might be part of this relationship, but I might have been mistaken.
And there were other dreams, now forgotten...