lilitu23

Well, this afternoon I am going to do my intake visit at the transgender clinic at Tom Waddell Clinic in SF. My main purpose is to inquire as to the appropriateness, benefits and drawbacks of female hormone therapy. I don't feel ready to commit to doing the hormones yet, but I want to begin the formal process of inquiry to see if this is the right option for me. I would like to feel and look more feminine, so that part of it appeals to me. But what if I change my mind later on? The breast growth and testicle shrinkage that results from taking estrogen is permanent... do I want that? There are many questions I need to answer for myself, like what are my motivations and expectations for transitioning? A big issue for me is that I know I could never truly pass as a woman, and so if I'm hoping to see myself (and be seen) as a woman I may be setting myself up for disappointment.

I don't know if becoming a woman would make my life any happier or more fulfilling and authentic. What I do know is I've spent fifty years of my life as a man, and that as a man I have been a miserable failure...